just a quick note…

Mother’s day is hard.  There’s no question about that.  I don’t think I need to rehash something that we all know and feel…but I did want to share this article written by Nia Vardalos (from My Big Fat Greek Wedding).  It’s a great way to explain what we all go through, not just on Mother’s Day, but every day that we struggle  with infertility and loss.

In some amazingly good news, my blog friend K from Waiting for Sunflower has had her little baby boy!!  I’m so happy for her.  She and I have almost parallel stories (PCOS, MTHFR, 2 miscarriages) – I’m so happy that she has finally gotten her Sunflower, she deserves every bit of happiness.  If you have some time, swing over to her blog and leave her a note of congratulations!

and we start again…

Well, this Saturday marked the start of a new cycle.  AF decided to show up on 10dpo…really?  Is that early?  Since I have PCOS, I’ve never in my life had a regular cycle, so I have no idea how these things work, but I thought a typical cycle went around 14dpo??  Oh well, at least she came in a timely manor, I didn’t have to face the negative HPT and since last cycle didn’t work, at least we can get going on the next one so soon!  (As my husband said when I told him, “…you gotta make lemonade out of things when, wait, what…you know what I mean…”)

So, CD3 today.

In other news, please keep K from Waiting for Sunflower in your thoughts, prayers, ritual sacrifices, whatever it is that you do.  She is getting nearer and nearer to her due date.  She will be induced on Friday morning unless the little guy decides to make his appearance before that.  Please offer her support as she prepares to meet her baby!

Also, in some way cool news, I got mentioned!!  On the website Spectrum Science.  There was an article written by Kaitlin
Doody called Online Infertility Community Celebrates National Awareness Week and in the article, there is a link back to my post about our #infertility campaign on Twitter!  How exciting is that!!!  And some of you were quoted from your Tweets that day!  Check it out and marvel at the power of social networking to help bring awareness about infertility, during NIAW and all year long!  We rock ladies (and gents…)!!

my drug habit…

I went in for my last (hopefully) blood test for a while.  It was to check my homocystine (?) levels, which is realated to the MTHFR.  I’m not sure what will happen if it comes back that I have that, too…more meds?  Don’t know.  Anyway I’m really hoping that we’re now at the point where I can get pregnant and sustain it all the way through.  Sadly it’s taken 3 doctors, 3+ years and 2 lost babies to figure this all out.  I’ve learned that I need to be more proactive about my own diagnosis and fight for the things that I want.

When I first went in to see Dr. Freakin’ Awesome (the MFM doc) I was asking him all kinds of questions about baby aspirin and lovenox, since I know so many of you ladies have been put on one or both of those.  At that point (rightly so) he didn’t think it was necessary, since we hadn’t run the blood work yet.  I was kind of just feeling out what might be used for some treatment.  Now with the MTHFR diagnosis he has put me on baby aspirin, plus the extra folic acid.  I’ve been doing a lot of “research” (by that I mean, Dr. Google has been consulted on this), and have found that most women diagnosed with MTHFR are then put on the baby aspirin, extra folic acid (on top of a prenatal) and then when they become pregnant are prescribed lovenox or heparin.  I’ve found this article, that I have now printed off to put in my files.  If (when…) I get pregnant I will be using it to convince whatever doctor I have at the time to put me on one of the two of those.  I hate needles – really hate them, but whatever it takes ya know, as I’m sure you all understand.  I also stumbled across a blog called The Expecting Father – MTHFR gene mutation and pregnancy.  It’s written by a man who’s wife had recurrent miscarriage (2) and then was found to have the MTHFR gene mutation.  When she became pregnant again she was given lovenox and delivered a healthy baby boy.  They have since had another baby boy just a few weeks ago with the same treatments.  I also know my dear blog friend K of Waiting for Sunflower has used the same treatment and her little guy should be coming in the next few weeks!!  You can be sure I’ll be very proactive about getting this same treatment for myself.

In other news, I’ve scheduled a consultation appointment with a new ob/gyn (for May 24th).  I found her by searching online (I know, kinda scary) – but she was reviewed on Yelp! and all of the reviews were 5 stars!  She is covered by my insurance as well.  I’m hoping to go in to the meeting with all of my medical records and just be very straight with her what I want.  I’m hoping she has some experience/knowledge of infertility issues, specifically PCOS and now MTHFR.  She sounds like a great doctor, but if she can’t meet my needs, I’ll be looking for someone else.  I’ll let you know how it goes.

Okay, now on to the actual reason for this post!  I wanted to do a show and tell of my new drug habit (sorry this beginning part kinda got away from me).  First off, I’ve turned into an old lady – yup, I bought a pill box.  I figured though if I need a pill box to keep track of everything, it may as well be a “hip” pill box, so this is what I got:

It’s individual canisters that screw together to make this stack.  There’s an extra lid so if you’re going on vacation, you can just take the days you’ll need.  It’s pretty fun, and allows me to see if I’d remembered to take my pills for the day.  I just put my morning dose in the jars.  I have an alarm set on my phone to go off to remember to take my Metformin at lunch and bed time.

Here’s a shot of the bottles of pills:

The big jar is the pre-natals (some generic brand my insurance company picked out…).  The next generic looking jar is my Metformin.  The yellow is the extra Folic Acid (I’m supposed to take 1 mg a day, but they only came in doses of 400 mcg, so I take 3 of those) and the smallest jar is the “baby” aspirin, which isn’t for baby’s at all, they just call it that.  Though it is chewable and orange flavored!

So the grand total for the day is 8 pills: 6 in the morning and then then other 2 through out the day.  Here they all are!

Nice, huh?  The prenatal is a very vibrant pink.  There is even a warning on the bottle that it may turn your pee colors for a while…yeah, really.  Luckily I didn’t get that side effect!  I don’t know why they had to make it so pink!

That’s my update for now.  Hopefully my results will come back soon and I know for sure the full treatment for me, and hopefully, it’ll work!  Oh…and btw, I’m on CD-21, and no sign of ovulation.  My temps have been all over the place throughout this whole cycle.  I forgot to do my OPK this morning.  Might do it tonight and see what happens…

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *

Okay…so, I was just getting ready to hit PUBLISH and my phone rang.  It was Dr. Freakin’ Awesome’s office and my blood work came back normal!  Yay!  So I just stick with the above until it works!

7w and questions…

Hello again!  Thank you so much to everyone for all of your love and support!  We’re still in the very early, very nervous stages of this pregnancy, but I’m trying to take it a day at a time.  My ticker on the side seems to be off a bit, but I’m about 7 weeks along today!  For the next week I’m going to have to keep myself busy and distracted.  This is about the time I lost our first baby, Declan.  Somewhere between 7 and 8 weeks.  I don’t go back to my doctor until about 11 weeks, so all I can do is hope that I get to that next appointment.  To borrow a phrase from K over at Waiting for Sunflower, “So far, so good.”

So of course, going into my first appointment I wrote down all of my questions in a little notebook that I always carry with me.  I always have it on me – except apparently when I go in for my first appointment with my doctor!  Bugger.  So, I tried to ask her all I could remember, but I missed most of the important ones!  I’ve spent the last 3 years focusing on GETTING pregnant that I really don’t know much at all about BEING pregnant, and staying that way!  I need some help.  I’m hoping there are some of you TTC ladies that have looked ahead to the pregnancy stage and no what to do, or that there are some of you that have made it out of IF land and can offer me your advice/experience.  I also know I have some good friends who read this who have been pregnant and may be able to help, too.  So, I give you the nervous IF pregnant ladies questions so far:

1) Exercise!  I know that this is good, and before the Xmas season and the BFP I was going in to a gym 3 times per week.  I kinda took December off since we were traveling so much.  Now I find myself in January with a little friend on board, and I’m scared to go back.  I know pregnant women can exercise, but I wonder how much?  Should I cut back the intensity?  Should I wait a few more weeks?  What do you all think?

2) BD-ing.  Yes, I’m nervous about this and my poor DH suffers for it.  When we went in to the ER when we lost Declan the OBGYN that examined me asked a bunch of questions and one of the first was “when was the last time you had sex?”  This of course has scared me into thinking maybe we did something wrong going ahead after the RE told us it was okay.  Now I find myself in this place again, and again nervous we could do something wrong.  I’m sorry, this is way TMI for my friends and family that read this, but I’m pretty nervous and I want to make sure everything is okay before we go ahead.

3) Pre-natals, my nemesis.  I’ve been taking the damn pills for 3 years now.  I’ve been taking some over the counter stuff, but now my doc has prescribed me some.  This was after I asked because I know a lot of my friends who have had babies took prescription pre-natals.  My doc said it doesn’t matter if it’s prescription or over the counter, as long as you are taking them.  She did however give me a bunch of samples and told me to “choose the one I like most.”  How am I supposed to choose?  By taste?  You just swallow the things!  So, I turned to my trusty friend, WebMD.  Here is what they have to say:

  • 400 mcg of folic acid
  • 400 IU of vitamin D
  • 200 to 300 mg of calcium
  • 70 mg of vitamin C
  • 3 mg of thiamine
  • 2 mg of riboflavin
  • 20 mg of niacine
  • 6 mcg of vitamin B12
  • 10 mg of vitamin E
  • 15 mg of zinc
  • 17 mg of iron

This is the list I followed when I chose my over the counter stuff (which by the way is the generic Target brand, exactly the same as the Stuart Pre-Natals if your familiar with that brand.)  I’ve been looking at the ingredients listed on the prescription ones my doc gave me, but none of them have all of these things or the right amounts suggested.  Also, my friend SusQ said her doctor suggested taking a vitamin with DHA in it, which 2 of them do, but they are missing so much of the rest of the list, I think I’d rather stick with my Target brand!  Some of them don’t even have Calcium or Vitamin C in them!  Or, way lower doses than listed above.  None of them have thiamine, riboflavin or niacine.  So, how important is the list above?  Do I need to make sure to get EVERYTHING on that list, or just most of them?  I’m perfectly fine just continuing to take the Target brand, but I’d appreciate some input if y’all have any!

4)  Diet – what am I supposed to eat or not eat?  I know that: hot dogs, lunch meat, caffeine,  alcohol and soft cheeses are out.  Anything else vitally important?  Anything that is really good to eat?  I was hoping for some sort of list from my doc, but I forgot to ask.  Again, help would be appreciated.  Or even a good website you know of that could help??

Okay, I think that’s all for now.  Back to my paranoia!

update and award…

So, after all the worry and wondering about how the DH and I could quietly do the BD while on an air mattress in the room next to our 7 yr old and 3 mo old nephew and niece (not to meniton my BIL and SIL, with the MIL in yet another room, and my 16 yr old niece across the house…) there was no need.  Yup, here I am at CD22 and still no signs of the big O.  I know, I know…this is my 1st cycle on Metformin and it can take up to 6+ months for it to start showing any signs of working, but a girl can still hope, right?  I had hoped that since it seemed that the Met helped to start my cycle in a somewhat timely manner that maybe it would help me Ovulate the first time as well.  I guess there’s still time, but I’m not holding my breath.

I’ve been doing the OPK’s since CD11.  Since I have no idea when I might ovulate, I just have to keep going with them I guess.  I’ve have a few days where there has been a very light + test line, but from what the test says, it’s supposed to be as dark as or darker than the control line.  We’re not there yet folks!  Hopefully I’ll start to get the hang of this and won’t have to waste so many of them in the future.  My current plans are to finish out this cycle, do one more on just the Met, and if that hasn’t worked yet I’ll do cycle #3 with Metformin and the Clomid that my doc gave me.

In other news, I got nominated for another award!  Thanks to Kate at Busted Plumbing (who, by the way, has an AMAZING new look to her blog).  I’ve been “lurking” Kate’s blog for a while, but through Twitter I’ve been following her more closely now and I’m happy to call her a blogg-y friend!

The rules for this award:

  • Put the Lemonade logo on your blog or within your post.
  • Nominate at least 10 blogs with great attitude or gratitude.
  • Link the nominees within your post.
  • Let the nominees know they have received this award by commenting on their blog.
  • Share the love and link to the person from whom you received this award.

1) To my bestest friend, SusQ!!  Through all of my struggles with IF, and through everything else in life you’ve been there for me!  I’m so happy for you and your exciting news and that you’re starting to share it with the world.  I love you!

2) To Kate over at Waiting for Sunflower.  I’m so lucky to have “met” you through blogging!  I’m so glad that you are finding happiness again, and that your SONflower is a big part of that!  You and Jack are always in my thoughts!

3) To Kate over at Infertile Myrtle.  You’ve been another good blogg-y friend this year!  I’m so happy for you and your DH.  Only a few more weeks to go for you!

4) To Becca at Liberal Granola Girls Blog.  I’ve also been “lurking” at your blog this year, and now on Twitter as well!  I love your hope and optimism throughout all of the pain and stress of IF.  You give me inspiration!

5) To the Fertility Chick.  Your posts always bring a smile to my face.  It’s hard to find humor and hope in all of this crap, but you always manage to find it.

6) To Lea at All My Pretty Ones.  I’m so happy for you and your new foster daughter!  I know you’re going to be great with her, and fingers crossed that this could turn into something more!

7) To Amaprincess at The Road to Happily Ever After.  A new Twitter friend!  You always seem to have a good attitude, even in the midst of bad news.  I’ve been enjoying your IF Christmas Carols as well!

8 ) To the Fertility Guy at In the Name of the Father.  It’s nice to have the male perspective, and I know my DH enjoys reading your blog as well.  You and your lovely wife bring a bit of humor and levity to all the struggles we face.

9) To Tara at Broken Baby Making Machine.  Congrats to you on your wonderful news!  I’m so happy to any IFer who gets out of the cycle of BFN’s!  Wish you and your family all the best!

10) To Michelle at 2 of a Kind, Working on a Full House.  I’m glad that I found your blog this year.  You’ve been a great support to me and I always look forward to your next post!

Thanks to everyone else who has been a part of my online support system this year.  I don’t think I could have made it through without all of you!  It helps to have people out there who understand you, who can share the pain and struggle, and who can lift you up.  I feel blessed in this online community.