23 weeks…

I made it!  23 weeks!!!  VIABILITY!!!  I can’t tell you how that feels.  Technically today I am 23wks 4d.  I was not only happy to have reached the 23wk milestone, but also fortunate that I had another ultrasound that day!  At our last ultrasound Blueberry didn’t feel like cooperating much, and so the tech didn’t get a good shot of the heart.  So, back I went 2 weeks later, at exactly 23wks.  Again, the little one didn’t want to cooperate.  Blueberry was on his/her stomach the whole time, face down.  The tech had me turn on my right side, then on my left.  We’d be trying to get good shots for what seems like about 30-45 min  when she was finally able to get a good view!  I guess Blueberry’s arm was lying on his/her chest, directly in front of the heart, making it hard to see through the arm bone.  While I was on my left side though, I guess the arm moved and she got what she needed.

Funny story also – while I was lying on my left, I couldn’t see the screen.  Suddenly I felt a big push for the little one and my husband said, “You just got punched!”  I replied with, “I know, I felt it!”  He actually saw Blueberry reach out and punch me!  It would have been very neat to see that, but I’m glad if only one of us could, it was him.  I’m feeling our baby move every day now, but he still can’t – so it’s nice that he got to at least see what I’m feeling 😀

I guess that will be my last ultrasound, unless my doctor wants more for some reason.  So strange that I may not see the baby again until February.  I think I’ve had 6 u/s all together for this pregnancy, and I’m only 1/2 way through.  It’s going to be a long stretch!  I’m happy though that Blueberry is healthy enough to not have to have any more checks.  The heart looked great, all of my blood work came back and we are better than average for our risk factors for the big three!  Everything is going so great.  Here are some photos from Monday:

A perfect little face.  This was the best shot she could get the whole time!

 

This is what position the baby was in the whole time!  Just like me, a belly sleeper…

 

Baby’s little foot!

And boy, have I been feeling that foot!  I’m so happy to be at the point where Blueberry is moving and I can feel it.  It’s very comforting to know that things are all okay in there.

My sisters threw me a baby shower this past Saturday.  I told them no parties until 23 wks, but the best time was at 22wks 5days, so that’s when we did it.  I’ll have pictures up at some point – need to get them off my camera first.  It was great though, and I had to hold back the tears a few times.  I never thought I would ever go to a baby shower that was for me.  Not only that, but so many people showed up!  My mother in law and sister in law even made the trek up!  It was wonderful to have them there.  My sisters did a great job – Jungle Theme!  In keeping with how we’re planning to decorate the nursery.

We’ve done some work on that, too.  Not only did we get gifts from the shower, but my sister gave me all of her nursery furniture, stroller, car seat, pack ‘n play, bassinet and a bunch of other stuff!  We had to borrow my dad’s pickup truck to get it all home!  We’ve been cleaning out the old office all week to make room for Blueberry!  All that’s left to do is sweep, mop and then set everything up.  It’s crazy to walk into that room and see a crib instead of my husbands clothes and a desk!  He had been using it as his closet/office.  So, we had to clean out the closet in our bedroom to make room for his stuff.  Luckily I could put over half of my clothes away for now because they don’t fit at this point.  Not sure what we’ll do when that stuff fits again though!

I think that’s all for now.  Next post I’ll have pics of the shower, and maybe even some nursery pics!  Hope you are all well, and thanks to anyone who is still reading!

the halftime report…

Yes, I’m still here.  Yes, the baby is still doing great!!!  We just got back from our 20wk (4d) ultrasound and all was well.  Heartbeat was great at 133 bpm.  Placenta and cervix all looking good (thank God).  Our little Blueberry even had the hiccups during the u/s!  Really cute.  Baby was not being very cooperative though.    We are not finding out the gender, so when the tech went to check out that area, she would turn the screen.  She could never see anything though.  I’m kinda glad.  It wouldn’t be fair for her to know and not my husband and I!  Also, she couldn’t get a good view of the heart, so we go back in 2 weeks for another u/s – fine by me!  The tech said everything looked good, but they just want to make sure they get a good view of it.  I’ll be exactly at 23wks for the next appointment.  My next big milestone.

I can’t believe I’m 1/2 way through this pregnancy.  After the appointment today I took a deep breath.  This is actually happening.  I’m going to have a little baby in February.  I know, there still a lot of time and something could still go wrong, but I’ve decided now that I need to start thinking in terms of when and not if when it comes to this baby.

The first shower is planned, and the invites are out.  With the holidays coming up (Thanksgiving, Christmas) it was hard to find a time later in the pregnancy like I had wanted.  My shower will be at 22wks 6d.  I didn’t want any showers before 23wks, but I guess one day does not make that much difference 🙂  My big sister is planning this one for me.  I’m very excited.  It was great to put together a registry and actually be able to finally share it with people besides my husband.  We’ve had a registry put together on Amazon.com for almost 2 years now, since our first little one – but now people can look at it and buy from it!  That’s a big step for me, and I’m so happy to have gotten here.

Life is pretty busy, which is why I have been lacking in the posts.  I quit my job, went on a great vacation for 10 days and started school!  I just wrote my 1st paper last night…it’s really awful, but it’s done.  It’s for a subject I don’t care much about, but is required for my degree.  I’m taking 4 classes, and I love the other 3.  Just have to suffer through this other one and get it done!

Okay, I guess y’all want to see photos, huh?  Well, here they are!

This is the best profile shot.  Blueberry has his/her hands over his/her face.  I think he/she was sick of being poked at by the u/s tech at this point!

We call this one “robo-baby” or “the terminator” – creepy huh?  That’s our little one’s iris.  Neat that you can see that, but makes for a creepy picture!

This one is titled “rock star baby”.  I think it looks like he/she is rocking out with a microphone in its hand!

Well, I guess that’s it for now.  I hope to be better about updates now.  Especially now that I’m feeling more confident in the pregnancy.  I’ve been reluctant to say things in between appointments, just in case – but like I said, this baby is now a WHEN and not and if 😀  Thank you to those of you who have stuck around, and to those of you who have been prodding me to write incessantly (you know who you are)!  Love to you all!

my little thumb sucker…

We interrupt the previously scheduled 30 Day Blog Journal to bring you an important update – My baby is doing great!!

We went in for our “sequential screening” today (to check for down syndrome, trisomy 18 and spina bifida). I was so nervous going in. I just wanted to see that little heart pumping away. We had quite a long wait and both Justin and I were going batty just sitting around waiting! We finally got called back to the u/s room. She squirted the jelly on my tummy – and then there Blueberry was. At first I didn’t see the heartbeat and I got nervous, then the little one did a quick jump! It was so amazing, not only knowing all was still well, but that the little one was moving around! So awesome – my husband and I both broke into tears and the tech gave him a big wad of Kleenex first 🙂 After that, I was just so happy Blueberry was still there that I was able to relax and enjoy the rest of the show.

Little one was SO active! Justin swore it was waving to him at one point (the screen was turned away from me then for the tech to take the measurements, so I can’t confirm that – but I’m sure Blueberry was saying “HI DAD”). The tech said we wouldn’t get the results of all the screening until after the blood tests, but for now, everything looked great on the u/s.

We also got to hear the little heartbeat, plugging away at 150 bpm – thumpa thumpa thumpa! Amazing, amazing sound…nothing like it in the world! Blueberry is measuring somewhere between 12w3d (smallest measurement she took) to up to 13w1d (largest measurement she took). I’m at 12w3d today, so those all sound great to me!

We also got LOTS of pictures! I won’t post them all, but here is my favorite:

My little thumb sucker.  So cute, right?  I couldn’t be happier right now.  Please,  remind me of this moment when I start freaking out in a few weeks again.  For now, I promised myself after this u/s, if all was well, I would try to be more calm.  I’m going to finally open up the copy of “What to Expect” that I ordered, and I’m going to start up my journal again.  With my 2 other babies I journaled to them almost every night.  I was too afraid to do that this time, but I’m ready now.

Next u/s in 8 weeks!!!  I don’t know how I’m going to wait that long (October 1st).  Maybe my ob/gyn will want to do an ultrasound herself at some point.  The hubby and I had a discussion about renting a doppler but both decided it would cause more anxiety than reassurance for both of us.

I have a pre-natal appointment with Dr. D on the 9th.  I’m glad it’s so soon after, but hopefully that doesn’t mean I”m going to have to wait a long time until my next one!

We’re thinking soon of letting more people know about the pregnancy.  It makes me nervous, but I know at some point I have to get over that and celebrate with my friends and family, and that’s what I really want to do right now – celebrate!!!

worth a thousand words…

Here’s the little one, hopefully there will be more pictures to post someday…

heart beat: 125 bpm

measuring: 6wk 5d

EDD: 2/13/2011

Grow baby, grow!

houston, we have a…

HEART BEAT!!

Yup – just got back from the doctor and there is indeed a tiny Thornburgh in there, with a 125 bpm heart beat, and measuring 6wks 5d.

However…there is a blood clot right next to the baby, about 1 in long.  This is what was causing my bleeding.  The MFM said there is nothing we can do about it.  I’m just supposed to take it very easy, and check again in 1 month with another ultrasound.  Luckily, I have my ob/gyn appointment on July 12th, so I’m hoping she will want to do an u/s then.  Until then: REST REST REST!  That is my NEW mantra!

I’m going to take a nap now, but I wanted to post the update quick.  OH!  If all goes well, my EDD is February 13th, 2010.  Hopefully we can get there!

Thank you SO MUCH to everyone who has sent me messages, comments and Twitter support.  I love you all and this journey is a bit easier knowing I have you all with me.  Thank you.

beta #4…

So on Monday I called and talked with my ob/gyn.  I spoke with her about the u/s last Friday.  She said that there was a 6 wk fetal pole.  This was good news, the MFM never told me how far along it measured.  I asked her if I could get another Beta test before my u/s this Friday.  She said at this point, she doesn’t need to see any more numbers, but if I wanted to get the test done for my own peace of mind I could.  She did warn me though that rising or falling numbers could mean nothing.  I understood, but wanted the tests anyway.  I also asked her to recheck my progesterone.

Results are in.  Beta #4 was 26,022, Progesterone still low at 11.4

Doctor said that the beta numbers were good, and we’ll just have to keep watching the progesterone, though at this point, what’s more important is that there is a heartbeat when I go in for the ultrasound tomorrow.

I hadn’t been using the progesterone inserts the last few days.  Maybe that was dumb.  I kinda wanted to see what the numbers would do on there own I guess.  I’m a moron, what can I say.  Needless to say, I’ll be using them from now on!  Though, I’ll have to forgo the dose tomorrow morning due to the ultrasound.  If the news is good then *fingers crossed*  I’ll be going back on them.  I’ll also have to ask for a new prescription, as I only have 2 wks worth.

So, that’s the update for now.  My u/s is at 2pm tomorrow.  I’ve taken the afternoon off of work so I can either celebrate or go home and cry myself to sleep.  Hopefully it’ll be the first one.

I’m still spotting some, though some days I’ll have nothing and the next day it’ll come back.  Some times just a bit on the TP, sometime it’ll show up on the pad (TMI, I know, sorry…)  I just wish it would go away.  It’s not leaving me much room for hope.

I want to thank all of my readers, commenters and Twitter pals – you guys have been awesome and very supportive.  I’ve also gotten some great help from IRL friends and family, and I couldn’t appreciate all of that more!  It is wonderful to know I have so many people thinking of Justin and I and supporting us in through this whole journey.  Thank you.

facing fear again…

On Sunday, June 6th I took a pregnancy test.  It was positive.  My first response?  I broke into tear – I was terrified.  Scared that I would again loose my baby again.  Of course, I was happy, too, that I was pregnant again and had a chance, but the fear was there.

I called my MFM doctor on Monday, June 7th and set up a 1st ultrasound for June 25th.  Called my ob/gyn and set up an appointment for July 12th (after lots of phone calls, being told I’d need to see a different doctor because she was booked up and talking directly with her nurse, that’s a whole different story that I’m not gonna go into right now though).  Tuesday, June 8th I decided that it was too long of a wait and wanted to do some beta tests.  I spoke with my ob doc and beta tests were set for that Thursday and Saturday.

Beta #1 (20 dpo) -1950

Beta #2 (22 dpo) – 3376

Good numbers right?  I began to rest a bit easier, that I’d at least make it to my first appointment.

Monday, June 14th I woke up to spotting.  Not much, just a bit on the TP, but enough to make my heart drop.  Called my ob and she told me to move my MFM appointment up to the end of the week if possible, sent me in for a beta test that day.  MFM appointment was switched to that Friday, the 18th.

Beta #3 (24 dpo) – 5999

Progesterone: 10.4

I was told that my progesterone was a bit low and to ask the MFM doctor about it at my appointment.  I told the nurse over the phone that I still had some progesterone inserts from when I was going through treatments and asked if I should use those.  She gave me a very definitive no, that I should ask the MFM doc what to do.  Spotting continued throughout the week, but still very little, and no cramping.

Friday, I go to the MFM doctor for my first u/s…hoping that the baby is big enough to see a heartbeat, and that it even has a heartbeat.  I’m guessing I’m about 6wks (based on when I ovulated).  The u/s starts, and I just can tell it’s not good news.  I see no little flickering.  The doctor doesn’t say a word.  At one point he grabs my hand and holds me on my wrist.  At first I think he’s trying to comfort me, but then I realized he was probably checking my pulse for some reason?  He asks if I’m sure on the date of my last period.  I tell him yes, but my ovulation was late, so I’m not as far along as the stupid pregnancy wheel says I am.  He says okay, we’ll need to check and the u/s is over.

The nurse leaves the room and we talk.  He tells me that yes, there is a pregnancy there, but that it is too small to detect a heartbeat.  He pulls out the wheel again and, basing on my ovulation, says I’m somewhere in the 5 + week point.  He says we will try again in one week.  He also tells me that either the baby is too small to see the heart beat, or I am having a miscarriage.  There is no way to tell yet.  Then he points to the pictures on the screen and shows me that there are 2 sacs – two.  The 2nd is underdeveloped and he says that could be what’s causing the bleeding.  So I go back this Friday, June 25th, to see what’s going on.

I told him about the low progesterone and that I had some inserts, asked if I should use them, and that the nurse had told me not too.  He said I should absolutely use them and asked why the nurse had told me not too.  Very good question doctor, wish I knew.

Of course, as soon as I left the appointment, my spotting turned from just a bit on the TP to a full flow.  Figures.  It had been all pink & brown up until that point, but that day, it was bright red.  It has since slowed down again and no longer red.  I’m hoping that it was from the ultrasound wand, it was a pretty aggressive examination, but honestly, I don’t have much hope at this point.

When I got my first 2 beta numbers, my brain started thinking twins, they just seemed so high for so early on.  Guess I was right, but no longer.  If nothing else, I have lost one, and possibly I have lost both.  I have to wait again, until Friday to find out – hopefully we’ll know then.

I called the ob doc on Friday to tell her what happened at the u/s and request more beta tests for this week.  She was not in (she only in on Mondays & Fridays, and apparently has a lot of vacation the next few weeks…), so the nurse said, “Oh, I’m sure your MFM doctor will talk to her Monday and she’ll want to do 2 more beta draws.  She’ll call you then.”  I highly doubt that.  I will be calling back today.

So – that’s the story so far.  That’s why I haven’t been blogging.  I really wanted to tell you all, but there are IRL people who read my blog, and I needed to make sure to contact certain people to tell them what was going on before they read about it on the blog – it’s just how it is.

Now my story is out there.  I’m still spotting, still have no cramping.  I know I’ve lost one baby, and think I’ve lost another.  I’m not sure where to go next.  I’ve always wanted twins.  Maybe someday my luck will turn around.  I just can’t believe I’m in this place again.  And that I’m still stuck in this eternal limbo of not knowing.  It’s frustrating and painful.  Last week, I was calm.  Nervous, but accepting of what was happening and what probably would happen.  But now, seeing the u/s, knowing there were 2, but not knowing still what is happening, it really drug me down.  I can’t get back to that hopeful and accepting state I was in last week.  Friday can not come soon enough.

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