almost there…

So, I’ve not been updating on here.  No excuses for you, I just haven’t done it.  If any of you are still around, thanks!  Here’s a quick update.

Today I am 37 weeks 4 days.  I’m officially at the “you could go anytime” point.  That is so strange to me!  I’ve finally gotten used to the fact that I am indeed pregnant and the baby is going to be okay, and in a few short weeks, I will get to meet this little one!  I still can’t wrap my mind around actually HAVING a baby – not the labor part (though, yes, that too) but the fact that I will have a small person to care for, one that my husband and I made together and longed for.  I’m extremely happy, but I need to get my brain to see beyond this belly!

A few u/s shots:

Cute little face at 31 weeks.  If you look close you can make out the eyes, nose and mouth.

A tiny little ear!  The u/s tech said it was clearest ear she’d ever seen on the screen.  There was also lots of visible hair!  We have a Sasquatch.

It’s getting much harder to make out details.  This was at 35 weeks 1 day.  You can kind of see the profile.  At the last u/s, baby was estimated to be about 6 lbs!

 

And just for comparison, the 2 belly shots I’ve taken:

29 weeks 4 days

37 weeks 2 days

I have a baby belly.  Never thought it would happen!  It took a while for me to finally show.  Unfortunately, do to my weight before pregnancy, I haven’t looked pregnant all that long.  But just a couple of weeks ago I saw an old friend and the first thing she said to me was “Oh my, you’re pregnant!”  That made me feel good – that it wasn’t just me noticing any more 😀

17 days until I’m due.  I can’t believe that!  It’s pretty crazy around here.  I’m at the doctor’s office 2-4 times per week.  We have labor classes on Thursday nights, I have NST (non stress test)/AFI (an u/s to check the amniotic fluid) 2 times per week, and I now see the doctor every week.  Not to mention, there is one more growth u/s scheduled, if I make it that far.  I feel like I”m driving to that building every day, which sometimes is true!  Things are going really well though.  I’ll try to get some nursery pics up on here soon!

Peace!

my little thumb sucker…

We interrupt the previously scheduled 30 Day Blog Journal to bring you an important update – My baby is doing great!!

We went in for our “sequential screening” today (to check for down syndrome, trisomy 18 and spina bifida). I was so nervous going in. I just wanted to see that little heart pumping away. We had quite a long wait and both Justin and I were going batty just sitting around waiting! We finally got called back to the u/s room. She squirted the jelly on my tummy – and then there Blueberry was. At first I didn’t see the heartbeat and I got nervous, then the little one did a quick jump! It was so amazing, not only knowing all was still well, but that the little one was moving around! So awesome – my husband and I both broke into tears and the tech gave him a big wad of Kleenex first 🙂 After that, I was just so happy Blueberry was still there that I was able to relax and enjoy the rest of the show.

Little one was SO active! Justin swore it was waving to him at one point (the screen was turned away from me then for the tech to take the measurements, so I can’t confirm that – but I’m sure Blueberry was saying “HI DAD”). The tech said we wouldn’t get the results of all the screening until after the blood tests, but for now, everything looked great on the u/s.

We also got to hear the little heartbeat, plugging away at 150 bpm – thumpa thumpa thumpa! Amazing, amazing sound…nothing like it in the world! Blueberry is measuring somewhere between 12w3d (smallest measurement she took) to up to 13w1d (largest measurement she took). I’m at 12w3d today, so those all sound great to me!

We also got LOTS of pictures! I won’t post them all, but here is my favorite:

My little thumb sucker.  So cute, right?  I couldn’t be happier right now.  Please,  remind me of this moment when I start freaking out in a few weeks again.  For now, I promised myself after this u/s, if all was well, I would try to be more calm.  I’m going to finally open up the copy of “What to Expect” that I ordered, and I’m going to start up my journal again.  With my 2 other babies I journaled to them almost every night.  I was too afraid to do that this time, but I’m ready now.

Next u/s in 8 weeks!!!  I don’t know how I’m going to wait that long (October 1st).  Maybe my ob/gyn will want to do an ultrasound herself at some point.  The hubby and I had a discussion about renting a doppler but both decided it would cause more anxiety than reassurance for both of us.

I have a pre-natal appointment with Dr. D on the 9th.  I’m glad it’s so soon after, but hopefully that doesn’t mean I”m going to have to wait a long time until my next one!

We’re thinking soon of letting more people know about the pregnancy.  It makes me nervous, but I know at some point I have to get over that and celebrate with my friends and family, and that’s what I really want to do right now – celebrate!!!

quick update…

Just a quick note (I’ll write more later, promise) – went to my ob/gyn today, and there is still a heartbeat!!  Little Blueberry is measuring 9wks on the nose and has a heart beat of 171bpm!!  I even got to HEAR the heart beat for 2 seconds.  Most beautiful sound ever.  I’ll post more about the whole marathon of a 3 1/2 hour appointment later, but for now – I’m exstatic.

trains are not fun…

I don’t have anything new to report.  I’ve made it through the 1st week wait until my next appointment (July 12th).  I’m still spotting, though now I know it’s really discharge from my blood clot.  I guess until I know otherwise, today I am 7wks5d along.  I hope that’s still true.

I’m über tired by the time I get home from work, and got some major boob soreness going on.  Other than that things are going okay.  Just trying to take it easy…

Yesterday though, I had an interesting time.  My husband needed the car, which meant I had to take the bus/train to work in the morning.  The bus picks up a block from our house, which is nice, but I had to run the last bit to catch it – caught it just as it was pulling away and the nice bus driver let me on.  So, yeah, didn’t feel so good after that!  Then, I get to the train station and get on the train.  Normally I have no problem finding a seat, as I get on pretty early in the train route.  Not this time – it was packed!  I had to stand, and I did not like it.  The train at that point in the route is really shaky – not only do I get motion sick very easily, but I really had to strain my self holding on to keep from falling over.  I thought so many times I should ask one of the people behind me to give me there seat because I’m pregnant, but I just couldn’t do it.

Finally about 1/2 way through downtown a seat opened up behind me.  It was one of the seat that face sideways, instead of forward or backward.  I can do those as long as I have a view out the window…which I didn’t, because there were so many people and we were still underground.  I was not feeling very well.  Eventually a forward facing seat opened up and and moved to that – thought I was doing okay, but at the first stop above ground, I realized if I didn’t get off the train NOW, I was going to vomit.  So I ran out.  That was the closest I’ve ever come to being actually sick from motion.  I usually get uneasy and queasy, but never actually sick.

I sat on the platform and watched 2 trains pass before I decided to try again.  I could have stayed on that platform a bit longer, but I only had 10 min to get to work and still a ways to go.  So I hopped on.  Train got to 3 stops before mine and decided to go express past my stop, so I had to get off.  Oy…had to wait for the NEXT train.  I got to work only 5 min late luckily.  But, my body was not happy with me.  Not only was I still a bit nauseous, but all the stress and exertion did not do good things for my spotting issue.  Don’t want to get to gross here, but it was not pleasant.

So, I will NOT be taking the train again for a while!  We’ll just have to figure something out 😀

houston, we have a…

HEART BEAT!!

Yup – just got back from the doctor and there is indeed a tiny Thornburgh in there, with a 125 bpm heart beat, and measuring 6wks 5d.

However…there is a blood clot right next to the baby, about 1 in long.  This is what was causing my bleeding.  The MFM said there is nothing we can do about it.  I’m just supposed to take it very easy, and check again in 1 month with another ultrasound.  Luckily, I have my ob/gyn appointment on July 12th, so I’m hoping she will want to do an u/s then.  Until then: REST REST REST!  That is my NEW mantra!

I’m going to take a nap now, but I wanted to post the update quick.  OH!  If all goes well, my EDD is February 13th, 2010.  Hopefully we can get there!

Thank you SO MUCH to everyone who has sent me messages, comments and Twitter support.  I love you all and this journey is a bit easier knowing I have you all with me.  Thank you.

beta #4…

So on Monday I called and talked with my ob/gyn.  I spoke with her about the u/s last Friday.  She said that there was a 6 wk fetal pole.  This was good news, the MFM never told me how far along it measured.  I asked her if I could get another Beta test before my u/s this Friday.  She said at this point, she doesn’t need to see any more numbers, but if I wanted to get the test done for my own peace of mind I could.  She did warn me though that rising or falling numbers could mean nothing.  I understood, but wanted the tests anyway.  I also asked her to recheck my progesterone.

Results are in.  Beta #4 was 26,022, Progesterone still low at 11.4

Doctor said that the beta numbers were good, and we’ll just have to keep watching the progesterone, though at this point, what’s more important is that there is a heartbeat when I go in for the ultrasound tomorrow.

I hadn’t been using the progesterone inserts the last few days.  Maybe that was dumb.  I kinda wanted to see what the numbers would do on there own I guess.  I’m a moron, what can I say.  Needless to say, I’ll be using them from now on!  Though, I’ll have to forgo the dose tomorrow morning due to the ultrasound.  If the news is good then *fingers crossed*  I’ll be going back on them.  I’ll also have to ask for a new prescription, as I only have 2 wks worth.

So, that’s the update for now.  My u/s is at 2pm tomorrow.  I’ve taken the afternoon off of work so I can either celebrate or go home and cry myself to sleep.  Hopefully it’ll be the first one.

I’m still spotting some, though some days I’ll have nothing and the next day it’ll come back.  Some times just a bit on the TP, sometime it’ll show up on the pad (TMI, I know, sorry…)  I just wish it would go away.  It’s not leaving me much room for hope.

I want to thank all of my readers, commenters and Twitter pals – you guys have been awesome and very supportive.  I’ve also gotten some great help from IRL friends and family, and I couldn’t appreciate all of that more!  It is wonderful to know I have so many people thinking of Justin and I and supporting us in through this whole journey.  Thank you.

facing fear again…

On Sunday, June 6th I took a pregnancy test.  It was positive.  My first response?  I broke into tear – I was terrified.  Scared that I would again loose my baby again.  Of course, I was happy, too, that I was pregnant again and had a chance, but the fear was there.

I called my MFM doctor on Monday, June 7th and set up a 1st ultrasound for June 25th.  Called my ob/gyn and set up an appointment for July 12th (after lots of phone calls, being told I’d need to see a different doctor because she was booked up and talking directly with her nurse, that’s a whole different story that I’m not gonna go into right now though).  Tuesday, June 8th I decided that it was too long of a wait and wanted to do some beta tests.  I spoke with my ob doc and beta tests were set for that Thursday and Saturday.

Beta #1 (20 dpo) -1950

Beta #2 (22 dpo) – 3376

Good numbers right?  I began to rest a bit easier, that I’d at least make it to my first appointment.

Monday, June 14th I woke up to spotting.  Not much, just a bit on the TP, but enough to make my heart drop.  Called my ob and she told me to move my MFM appointment up to the end of the week if possible, sent me in for a beta test that day.  MFM appointment was switched to that Friday, the 18th.

Beta #3 (24 dpo) – 5999

Progesterone: 10.4

I was told that my progesterone was a bit low and to ask the MFM doctor about it at my appointment.  I told the nurse over the phone that I still had some progesterone inserts from when I was going through treatments and asked if I should use those.  She gave me a very definitive no, that I should ask the MFM doc what to do.  Spotting continued throughout the week, but still very little, and no cramping.

Friday, I go to the MFM doctor for my first u/s…hoping that the baby is big enough to see a heartbeat, and that it even has a heartbeat.  I’m guessing I’m about 6wks (based on when I ovulated).  The u/s starts, and I just can tell it’s not good news.  I see no little flickering.  The doctor doesn’t say a word.  At one point he grabs my hand and holds me on my wrist.  At first I think he’s trying to comfort me, but then I realized he was probably checking my pulse for some reason?  He asks if I’m sure on the date of my last period.  I tell him yes, but my ovulation was late, so I’m not as far along as the stupid pregnancy wheel says I am.  He says okay, we’ll need to check and the u/s is over.

The nurse leaves the room and we talk.  He tells me that yes, there is a pregnancy there, but that it is too small to detect a heartbeat.  He pulls out the wheel again and, basing on my ovulation, says I’m somewhere in the 5 + week point.  He says we will try again in one week.  He also tells me that either the baby is too small to see the heart beat, or I am having a miscarriage.  There is no way to tell yet.  Then he points to the pictures on the screen and shows me that there are 2 sacs – two.  The 2nd is underdeveloped and he says that could be what’s causing the bleeding.  So I go back this Friday, June 25th, to see what’s going on.

I told him about the low progesterone and that I had some inserts, asked if I should use them, and that the nurse had told me not too.  He said I should absolutely use them and asked why the nurse had told me not too.  Very good question doctor, wish I knew.

Of course, as soon as I left the appointment, my spotting turned from just a bit on the TP to a full flow.  Figures.  It had been all pink & brown up until that point, but that day, it was bright red.  It has since slowed down again and no longer red.  I’m hoping that it was from the ultrasound wand, it was a pretty aggressive examination, but honestly, I don’t have much hope at this point.

When I got my first 2 beta numbers, my brain started thinking twins, they just seemed so high for so early on.  Guess I was right, but no longer.  If nothing else, I have lost one, and possibly I have lost both.  I have to wait again, until Friday to find out – hopefully we’ll know then.

I called the ob doc on Friday to tell her what happened at the u/s and request more beta tests for this week.  She was not in (she only in on Mondays & Fridays, and apparently has a lot of vacation the next few weeks…), so the nurse said, “Oh, I’m sure your MFM doctor will talk to her Monday and she’ll want to do 2 more beta draws.  She’ll call you then.”  I highly doubt that.  I will be calling back today.

So – that’s the story so far.  That’s why I haven’t been blogging.  I really wanted to tell you all, but there are IRL people who read my blog, and I needed to make sure to contact certain people to tell them what was going on before they read about it on the blog – it’s just how it is.

Now my story is out there.  I’m still spotting, still have no cramping.  I know I’ve lost one baby, and think I’ve lost another.  I’m not sure where to go next.  I’ve always wanted twins.  Maybe someday my luck will turn around.  I just can’t believe I’m in this place again.  And that I’m still stuck in this eternal limbo of not knowing.  It’s frustrating and painful.  Last week, I was calm.  Nervous, but accepting of what was happening and what probably would happen.  But now, seeing the u/s, knowing there were 2, but not knowing still what is happening, it really drug me down.  I can’t get back to that hopeful and accepting state I was in last week.  Friday can not come soon enough.

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