it’s on…

Went in this morning for ANOTHER blood work & u/s. The tech I had today always tells me the measurements as she goes so I was very relieved when she told me that good ‘ole Laverne had given me an 18 and a 16.5mm!! Yay Laverne! Shirley is still plugging along with a 12mm. Happy to hear that, I went in for my blood draw. I asked to speak to my nurse after that, to get the box of Brevelle she had set aside for me just in case.

Jaime, my rock star nurse extraordinaire had just been looking at my ultrasound and she said, “Your ultrasound looks great. No Bravelle tonight, we’re going to have you do the Ovadril tonight and IUI Saturday and Sunday. I’m going to cancel your blood work for today so you don’t have to pay for it.” I love that woman. She very much understands our situation and does what she can to help us out! Right now she’s calling around to pharmacies in Chicago to see if any of them have the Ovadril. I usually order through Freedom Fertility Pharmacy over the phone and they overnight the stuff to me, but since I need it tonight, that won’t work. She said there are 2 places she knows might have it, and she’ll call me as soon as she knows where to send me. Did I mention how much of a rock star she is?

So…looks like the 2ww starts tomorrow folks. I’m glad we’re finally to this point again, but nervous. At the end of this 2ww, it’ll be my due date for Zippy (Oct 4). That means, depending on the news, that weekend will either be much easier to deal with, or I will crawl into a cave and hibernate for the next month. Any good vibes y’all can send me would be MUCH appreciated!!! Here we go again!

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nervous…

Had another u/s today to check my follicles. Laverne at last check had one at 15, that was the biggest. Today I went in (after 2 more days of Bravelle, dose of 75) and Laverne’s biggest follicle was 16.5. Hmm….that makes me REALLY nervous that they’ll cancel this cycle. They can’t do that. They just can’t. We’ve put so much money into this cycle already because they’ve done so many u/s checks that we just don’t have enough for another full cycle. We have enough to finish this one out, but that’s probably about it. I knew I should have said something when the nurse told me to do 75 of the Brevelle. I’ve NEVER responded well to a dose that low, and they’ve had be do that 3 times this cycle. No wonder it’s taking so long! I’m really hoping that they’ll say take a higher dose tonight (like 225??) and then do the Ovadril shot tomorrow, IUI on Friday and Saturday. I know they like to have the follicles about 18-20mm. I’m so close! I’m going to try my hardest to convince them to try the IUI this cycle if they attempt to cancel on me…it’s worth a shot if it’s the only one I have left. Better to try at least.

I’ll post more this afternoon when I hear from the clinic…

Here we go again…

Just got the call.  I take the Ovadril tonight and we have IUI tomorrow (Tuesday) and Wednesday.  YAY!  YIKES!  AHHHH!!  HUZZAH!!!  WHOA!!

Um, yeah…mixed feelings.  VERY VERY VERY FREAKIN happy that this cycle worked and we go to IUI.  I can’t believe it.  VERY VERY VERY FREAKING scared it won’t work this time.  We’ve had 1 IUI cycle so far.  It worked.  Now we’re on number 2.  Can it work again right away?  What if it dosen’t?  My hopes are so high, my hope are so low.  I don’t know what to think or what to do.  Is there anything I can do?  If I eat lots of leafy greens and drink milk and water and avoid all bad food and excersize tonight, will that garuntee a success (I know it won’t, I’m not stupid, but these are the things that go through your head!)???  Oi vey…I’m so nervous/scared/excited about tomorrow and Wednesday.  Please help!  Offer advice.  Offer encouragement…I don’t know.  I need something here!  I’m gonna go crazy until the end of the month when we’ll find out if it worked.  I don’t even want to think about what happens if it dosen’t.  I know what happens.  We’re done.  Out of money, out of hope.  I hate to think like that, but that’s kinda the deal here.  Last time we did IUI, we were in the same boat.  About enough money for a try and a half (which is what we did and it worked).  This time, about enough money for a try.  Here we go!

On the other hand, I can’t imagine what will happen if it does work.  I can’t even wrap my mind about it working again.  I lost my Zippy (what we called our little baby, Zippy the Zygote).  Can I possible have the chance at another child?  Does life work that way?  Does lightening strike twice??  God I hope so.  Please, please, please.

Bah!

I think I can, I think I can…

The little follicles that could…

At my appointment on Friday my follicles were apparently growing quite well.  I started out the cycle with 40 of them, which they tell me is pretty high, and much more than I have ever had starting out, so that gave me hope for this cycle.  On Friday the count was 3 at size 8, 2 at 7, 1 at 6 and a bunch of smaller ones.  They told me to stay on a dose of 75 of the Bravelle through Sunday night and then my appointment today.  I was a bit nervous about that, because I knew last time we did this they upped the dosage in the middle to get the follicles really growing, so I didn’t know why they’d want to stay on the same dose now, but I figured they must know what they’re doing.

Well, today I went in and my follicles have not grown much if at all since my last appointment.  The nurse said I have a ton of new smaller one, but the larger ones have not grown.  Damn.  Up the dosage to 150 tonight and tomorrow, back on Wednesday.  I’m nervous.  We had one canceled cycle before the one that worked and this is how it went.  They stopped growing and we didn’t catch it in time and they had to cancel.  We found out in the car on the way home for Thanksgiving – not a good time to find out I can tell you that!  So I’m REALLY hoping that this up in dosage will work and I’ll go back Wednesday and they’ll tell me it’s time for the Ovadril and the IUI…so, think happy thoughts!

Oh, and of course then I get to work and flip my “Sticker a Day” calendar over to this week and guess what the theme is: yup, babies.  So I get to stare at bibs, duckies, diaper pins and bibs for the next 7 days while I’m hoping my body decides to cooperate at let me try to make another baby.  Damn you Sticker a Day – damn you!!

Needles, needles everywhere…

Had appointment #1 for IUI cycle #2.  It was hard.  I did not want to be there – I should not have had to be there!  But I was there, and I had to deal.  I had a few moments where the tears threatened to fall, but I held them back.

So, had baseline ultrasound and blood work.  I hate the bloodwork.  I usually get the same lady, and most times she has to stick me twice to get it in correctly.  Luckily she got it the first time this time.  I know next time will be 2 though.  My right arm does not appreciate being repeatedly stuck with needles, so they usually have to draw from my left if I’ve had any blood work recently.

I spoke with one of my nurses after the appointment, as she had set aside some drugs for me (bless her heart).  We’re paying for all medicines and procedures out of pocket as my insurance does not cover infertility treatments (of course).  In the past we’ve used gonal f and follistim.  Both of these drugs as many of you may know are crazy expensive.  We’ve been lucky to get many samples from FCI for these drugs, but when we do purchase them, the gonal f is about $600-$700.  This time we were given bravelle – you need to mix the bravelle yourself, but it is MUCH cheaper, and they have a program called “Heart” that you can enroll in for $10 and then the drugs are $20 less per vial!  A box of bravelle if you’re in the program is $225!!!  Hurray!!!

brevelle

We also got a bag full of needles!

needles

Should I feel like a drug addict??  I think so 🙂

Tonight (Sunday) we begin with a dose of 150 (2 vials) and tomorrow as well, then 75 on Tuesday and Wednesday.  Thursday morning we have another appointment to see how things are coming along.

And of course we’ve gotten our ovadril to use, in case the cycle goes as planned and we are able to do the IUI:

DSC06293 (1)

So yeah, time to be stuck with a needle everyday now.  The joys of infertility!