in the trenches…

It’s CD-19.  I’m still here, but as many have said before and will say again, this part of the TTC process, the wait until the Big O, there’s not much to say or report.  I’m truckin’ along, in the trenches of the wait until ovulation.  It should be here in the next week or so.  The OPK lines are getting darker.  I’ve also been using the Fertile Microscope that I won from Busted Kate.   It’s much easier and nicer to use than peeing on sticks, but I’m still using the sticks as extra back up since this is my first cycle with the microscope…want to make sure I don’t miss it trying to decide “is this ferning or is it just spots?”

I’ve been keeping up with you all, despite not saying much myself.  I’ve not been on Twitter for about a week.  Just haven’t felt inclined to go…I’ll be back at some point.  I’m surprisingly relaxed about the process right now.  I think that has a lot to do with keeping busy.  I’ve been reading a lot (almost done with the Sookie Stackhouse series…), hanging out with friends and generally just trying to have a great time and enjoy what I have – it’s been pretty great.  I’m ready to get out of the TTC slump and get back to my normal happy self, though I know I’ll never be the person I was before all of this, I don’t think anyone could be.  This journey changes you.  The disappointment, the loss, the grief and pain – but I need to find my happy again, and that’s what I’ve been doing.

Of course, this is all well and good until I see that pregnant belly walking by, or hear yet another pregnancy announcement, then I have my moment of self pity and sadness – but I’m trying to get better about that.

So for now, I just keep living and hoping.

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and we start again…

Well, this Saturday marked the start of a new cycle.  AF decided to show up on 10dpo…really?  Is that early?  Since I have PCOS, I’ve never in my life had a regular cycle, so I have no idea how these things work, but I thought a typical cycle went around 14dpo??  Oh well, at least she came in a timely manor, I didn’t have to face the negative HPT and since last cycle didn’t work, at least we can get going on the next one so soon!  (As my husband said when I told him, “…you gotta make lemonade out of things when, wait, what…you know what I mean…”)

So, CD3 today.

In other news, please keep K from Waiting for Sunflower in your thoughts, prayers, ritual sacrifices, whatever it is that you do.  She is getting nearer and nearer to her due date.  She will be induced on Friday morning unless the little guy decides to make his appearance before that.  Please offer her support as she prepares to meet her baby!

Also, in some way cool news, I got mentioned!!  On the website Spectrum Science.  There was an article written by Kaitlin
Doody called Online Infertility Community Celebrates National Awareness Week and in the article, there is a link back to my post about our #infertility campaign on Twitter!  How exciting is that!!!  And some of you were quoted from your Tweets that day!  Check it out and marvel at the power of social networking to help bring awareness about infertility, during NIAW and all year long!  We rock ladies (and gents…)!!

the big o & twitter…

So today it looks like I got a +OPK (finally, I’m on CD-26)!!  I think…it’s hard to tell sometimes, but it’s the darkest it’s been all cycle.  On my last cycle my +OPK was not as dark as the test line, but that cycle I got pregnant going by that, so I’m going to say that today is the day, or at least, the start of my fertile time!  I’ll keep watching my temps and test for a few more days to see if it gets darker or lighter…

In other news, I’m starting a campaign of sorts on Twitter today.  I’ve found an awesome community of IF tweeps (?), tweeters (?), twitterers (?)…anyway, a lot of them are people that I follow on their blogs, but with twitter there is an instant support network when things go good or bad in the IF life…If you’re not on Twitter, you can ignore this appeal (or join to help!).  If you ARE on Twitter, I’m trying to get the word #infertility trending today.  All you have to do is tweet something and add the word #infertility with the little hash tag/number sign thing-y.  I’d love to bring some more awareness to the world about infertility and all the crap we have to go through!  If you can help, that’d be awesome!

Hope you are all well and that your cycles, pregnancies and/or new babies are going great!

quick update…

It’s CD14.  Nothing new to really report.  I started OPK’s this morning.  1st one is negative, though there was a faint line, so I guess it should be here soon!  Still waiting to hear from the MFM doc.  He said it’d be about 2 weeks for results and it’s only been 1.

If you have a moment, please swing over to Pitter Patter and offer your condolences to Clare and Mr. T who just found out that they lost their 1st pregnancy at 8 wks.  It’s heart breaking when a fellow IF sister looses a child.  It’s not enough that we have to go through the battle of getting pregnant, but to have so many losses among us is just cruel.

back in the saddle again…

Here we go again folks!  It’s CD1.  My dear friend, Aunt Flo decided to FINALLY show up!  I was starting to get worried my wonderful Metformin was letting me down.  So, today is March 25th.  I’m supposed to be doing the big blood work 8 weeks after my miscarriage, which is April 1st.  Here’s the question.  Do I cheat and go a bit early?

The MFM doc said it’d be about 2 weeks after I do the blood work before he got the results and we could talk about what to do then.  If I go in, say on Monday or Tuesday next week he should have the results around the 12/13th of April.  Then there would be an appointment to discuss the results with him, followed by anything I’d need to do if there are any problems found.  I’m asking because, if possible, I’d like to be able to start TTC again on this cycle.  We were told not to try until after this blood work stuff is done.  If I go early next week, get an appointment right after the results are in, it might just work out that we could try in April.  I’ve waited 3 years, if I don’t have to wait any longer, that’d be great!

I’m actually kind of hoping they find something in the blood work that’s been ordered – something fixable mind you.  A thyroid problem or something like that – get on some more meds and your good to go.  Something easy, something that can be dealt with and covered by insurance!!

I’m so ready for this journey to come to an end – a happy, bouncing baby filled end!  I’ve always wanted to have 4 children.  At this rate I’ll be 50 before I get the 2nd one!  Okay, maybe only 45…

14dpo…

Hey guys…sorry it’s been so long in between my posts.  As nerve wracking and intense as the 2ww is, there’s really not much to blog about!  Actually, as I’m not expecting that anything will come of this particular cycle, I haven’t felt the need to blog about every twinge I feel there, or “symptom” I feel there.  I’m more treating this cycle as a “test” to see how the Metformin works – or even if it will work!  As far as I can tell, I am now 14 dpo (days past ovulation).  That means that very soon I should be getting a visit from every woman’s favorite aunt – Aunt Flo!!  If not, Fertility Friend has advised me that, since this is the first cycle I’ve charted with them, that I shouldn’t POAS until Dec 22 – and I’m not planning on it!  As AMAZING as it would be if I did by some small miracle become pregnant on this cycle, I would be happy (though, not nearly AS happy) with AF arriving in a timely manor after the big O.

So, I’m posting my chart as it stands today…I thought I was maybe starting to get the signs that AF will be here today, but so far, I’ve been wrong on that point.  We’ll see.  Perhaps tomorrow she’ll show her lovely face.

Shout out to all of my IF online friends who have gotten the good news of a BFP in the past few weeks!  It seems they are coming out of the wood work!!  Congrats to all of you – it gives me a lot of hope to see you who have struggled so much to have that ray of light and hope in your lives now!  I can only hope that the rest of us will be next! 😀

THE CHART (CD36, 14DPO):

huh, would you look at that…

Yup…that’s a BBT/Ovulation chart, and guess what it shows???  OVULATION!!!  And a temp spike afterward!  I can’t believe it!!!  According to Fertility Friend I have a “good” chance at conception based on the info.  Of course, that’s not taking into account that I rarely if ever have a “good” chance at conception, but just the fact that this seems to prove that I can indeed ovulate (with the help of my new BFF, Metformin) is a major feat in and of itself!!  Huzzah!

My last post with the OPK help needed seems to have been the best O day.  That was as dark as the line got and with the temperature spike now, I’ve stopped using the OPK’s (also the last 2 days the line has gotten much lighter).  Granted, the hubby and I weren’t too good with the BDing this month (mostly my fault) so I’m not expecting anything to come of this, but there’s always next cycle!  Folks – this could really work!!!!!  I’m can’t even tell you how excited I am about this right now!  When I tried charting in the past, my temps were all over the place, not to mention there was never any spike or drop in temp at any point other than the daily up and downs.  This was a MUCH better cycle!  Again I say, HUZZAH!!

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