back from the vampire…

Finally was able to go in to have my massive amounts of blood work done.  Yup, they took 12 vials of blood from me.  You read that right: TWELVE!!  On top of that, I wasn’t allowed to eat for 8-10 hrs before that, so I was already a bit light headed from that!  I planned ahead and had OJ and a bagel at the ready after the blood draw!  So, now I wait until I get the call from the MFM doc with the results!

In other news, my work place is being used for the filming of a new CBS pilot today!  It’s really cool.  They’re using the exterior (I work at a church) to be a school.  So there are buses parked out front, and kids dressed in school uniforms in and out of our building.  They’re using our big hall as a holding area for the extras and for their meals.  There are people and cameras all over the street outside!  It’s pretty fun!  Wish I could go out and watch them…

I just went out with one of my co-workers to look at it.  They’re calling our building “St. Maura’s High School”…so I guess the Baptist church I work at just went Catholic! 😀


the blood tests…

So today’s the day.  I’m going to the blood draw office today after work.  From all that he’s marked, it looks like they’ll be taking about 1/2 of the blood out of my body.  So, I should be fine to drive home after that…um, right.  This morning I bought a bagel and orange juice to have afterwords, just in case.

I’ve made a copy of the test order so I can have a record of what they checked.  Also the MFM said he’d give me a copy of all of the results.  I really love this guy, wish he could be my full time doc!  I’m actually going to try to get all of my gynecologist records faxed to me so I have stuff to show the new person (when I find a new person…).

I’m going to use this post more for information for myself…I’m going to list the tests and using Dr. Google and WebMd, try to figure out what it all is and what it’ll mean if the tests come back positive for anything (the link on the test will give the website where I go the info, as well as provide further information).  So here’s we go!

  • TSHThe TSH test is often the test of choice for evaluating thyroid function and/or symptoms of hyper- or hypothyroidism.
  • T-4 (Thyroxine), freeThis helps the doctor to determine whether the thyroid hormone feedback system is functioning as it should, and the results of the tests help to distinguish between different causes of hyper- and hypothyroidism.
  • ANA w/ reflThe ANA test is ordered to help screen for autoimmune disorders and is most often used as one of the tests to diagnose systemic lupus erythematosus (SLE).
  • Cardiolipin scr/rflxTests for IgG and IgM cardiolipin antibodies are frequently ordered to help determine the cause of an unexplained thrombotic episode, recurrent miscarriage, or thrombocytopenia.
  • Chromosome Study
  • Factor V (leiden)Factor V Leiden mutation and prothrombin 20210 mutation tests are ordered, along with other tests related to thrombophilia, to help diagnose the cause for venous thromboembolism (VTE).  They may be ordered when a patient has a personal or family history of recurrent VTE, a first VTE related to oral contraceptive use, pregnancy or hormone replacement therapy, or when they are experiencing unexplained miscarriages.
  • Glucose, fastingThe blood glucose test is ordered to measure the amount of glucose in the blood right at the time of sample collection. It is used to detect both hyperglycemia and hypoglycemia, to help diagnose diabetes.
  • Lupus AnticoagulantLupus anticoagulant testing is used to help determine the cause of an unexplained thrombosis, recurrent fetal loss, or a prolonged PTT test. It is ordered to help determine whether a prolonged PTT is due to a specific inhibitor (an antibody against a specific coagulation factor) or to a nonspecific inhibitor like the lupus anticoagulant.
  • MTHFR, DNA mutation It is involved in the pathogenesis of neural tube defects, stillbirths, and recurrent pregnancy loss. The leading cause of hyperhomocysteinemia is folate deficiency.
  • Protein S antigen
  • Sjogren’s antibodySjögren’s syndrome is an autoimmune disorder in which the body’s immune system mistakenly reacts to the tissue in glands that produce moisture such as tear and salivary glands.
  • Thyroid peroxidThyroid antibody testing is primarily ordered to help diagnose an autoimmune thyroid disease and to separate it from other forms of thyroiditis.
  • Prothrombin Gene
  • Profs – not sure what this is, maybe I’m not reading his handwriting correctly…

DAMN IT DAMN IT DAMN IT!!!  As I was typing out the list I saw “Glucose, fasting”.  Damn it!!  Just remembered I wasn’t supposed to eat today.  DAMN IT!!!  Guess I’ll pushing these tests until tomorrow.  So angry with myself right now!  Grrr, Argh!

back in the saddle again…

Here we go again folks!  It’s CD1.  My dear friend, Aunt Flo decided to FINALLY show up!  I was starting to get worried my wonderful Metformin was letting me down.  So, today is March 25th.  I’m supposed to be doing the big blood work 8 weeks after my miscarriage, which is April 1st.  Here’s the question.  Do I cheat and go a bit early?

The MFM doc said it’d be about 2 weeks after I do the blood work before he got the results and we could talk about what to do then.  If I go in, say on Monday or Tuesday next week he should have the results around the 12/13th of April.  Then there would be an appointment to discuss the results with him, followed by anything I’d need to do if there are any problems found.  I’m asking because, if possible, I’d like to be able to start TTC again on this cycle.  We were told not to try until after this blood work stuff is done.  If I go early next week, get an appointment right after the results are in, it might just work out that we could try in April.  I’ve waited 3 years, if I don’t have to wait any longer, that’d be great!

I’m actually kind of hoping they find something in the blood work that’s been ordered – something fixable mind you.  A thyroid problem or something like that – get on some more meds and your good to go.  Something easy, something that can be dealt with and covered by insurance!!

I’m so ready for this journey to come to an end – a happy, bouncing baby filled end!  I’ve always wanted to have 4 children.  At this rate I’ll be 50 before I get the 2nd one!  Okay, maybe only 45…

a year ago today…

This is my 100th post.  It seems fitting that this would be my topic on this milestone in my blogging life.

A year ago today my world came crashing down around me.

A year ago today my body could hold on no longer.

A year ago today they said to me, “don’t worry, it happens to 1 in 4 women”

A year ago today I was scared.

A year ago today I didn’t understand why.

A year ago today I was in excruciating pain.

A year ago today my heart broke.

A year ago today my husband held me as we both broke down.

A year ago today I lost all of my hopes and dreams.

A year ago today, my baby died.

Though it’s been a year, the pain is still fresh.  There are a lot of things that I don’t remember about that day, the grief was so much that I think it’s over written some of the details, but I do remember most of it.  I would have never guessed that in the year that I lost my first child, I would loose a second as well.  I know my beautiful Declan is watching over his precious sister Sophie.  At least if they can’t be with me, I’m glad that they are together.

My husband and I don’t normally do Valentines gifts to each other, but this year there was something that I very much wanted.  I spelled it out very specifically for him and said, “just an idea!”  But I knew he would do it.  Here is what he got me:

It’s a necklace with the names of my babies and their (would have been) birthstones.  An opal for Declan (October) and a Peridot for Sophie (August, the same as me).  It was ordered from La Bella Dame.  If you’re looking for something to remember your little one, or as a gift for someone I’d recommend this company.

Hoping (knowing) that this is what I was getting I wanted to get something for him to remember our little ones by.  I think I’ve mentioned this before, but Justin is in seminary now, working on becoming an ordained minister in the American Baptist Church/USA.  I wanted to get a cross for him, something he could use in his prayer time if he wanted.  He’s not a bit jewelery person (he had a hard time adjusting to the wedding ring!), so I wanted something that wouldn’t HAVE to be worn if he didn’t want to.  This is what I got him:

It has their names and the days that we lost them (the day we found out they were gone).  He wears it every day.

This day is hard, harder because of my recent loss.  Hard because if he had survived, he would be about 5 months old now.  Hard because we’re still on the long and winding road, trying to find our baby.  I miss you Declan, and I always will.  I love you.

Meggon Mae-ology

I’ve seen this floating around the blog-o-spere and decided it was time.  Also check out Liberal Granola Girls Becca-ology
  • What is your salad dressing of choice? Ranch
  • What is your favorite sit-down restuarant? Applebee’s (for a chain) Sabai-Dee (local)
  • What is your favorite fast food restaurant? Hardee’s
  • What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of? Pizza
  • What are your pizza toppings of choice? Canadian Bacon, Onion, Mushroom, tomato, extra cheese
  • Are you right-handed or left-handed? Right-handed
  • Have you ever had anything removed from your body?  Yes
  • What is the last heavy item you lifted?  A box full of stuff?  Don’t remember
  • Have you ever been knocked unconscious? Nope!
  • Have you ever fainted?  I don’t think so, not that I recall anyway
  • If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?  No way José!
  • If you could change your name, what would you change it to? Ooo…good question.  I did kind of change my name.  I go by my middle name now instead of my first name.  But to really change it, I’d probably scour all the good Celtic/Irish names and pick one.
  • How many pairs of flip flops do you own?  1 – my kick ass Teva flops.  I love Teva’s.
  • Last person you talked to? My boss
  • Season? Spring
  • Holiday? St. Patrick’s Day, My Birthday (though, not this year!), Christmas
  • Day of the week?  Thursday
  • Month? April
  • Color? Green, Red & Brown
  • Drink? Milk
  • Alcoholic? Rum, Beer (preferable microbrew) and Long Island Ice Teas
  • Missing someone? Family, friend in Minnesota, my babies
  • What are you listening to? The Iron & Wine station on Pandora Radio
  • What are you watching? Um…the computer monitor…
  • Worrying about? My bloodtest in April.  Hoping we can find something wrong that is fixable!
  • What’s the last movie you saw? in the theatre?  Percy Jackson: Lightening Theif
  • Do you smile often? Yuppers
  • If you could change your eye color what would it be? Green, bright emerald green
  • What’s on your wish list for your birthday? money to spend on books!  Or a new camera
  • Can you do a chin-up? Bwaa ahahahahaha!!
  • Does the future make you more nervous or excited? both at the same time
  • Have you been in a car wreck? not a wreck, but driven into the ditch in the winter many a time
  • Have you caused a car wreck? not a wreck, but hit a parked car due to ice, very minimal damage
  • Do you have an accent? If I’m not careful my Minnesotan will slip out
  • Last time you cried? a few weeks ago
  • Plans tonight? practicing the oboe piece I’m doing on Sunday
  • Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom? oh yes
  • Name three things you bought yesterday? beer, beer and more beer! (St. Patrick’s Day ya know!)
  • Have you met someone who changed your life? My wonderful Hubby 🙂
  • For the better or worse? Better!
  • How did you bring in the New Year? The traditional party at our apartment w/ many pitchers of Long Island Ice Tea!
  • Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? Absolutly
  • What songs do you sing in the shower? Whatever happens to be stuck in my head at the time
  • Have you held hands with someone today? My Hubby
  • Who was the last person you took a picture of? One of the Girls at the concert last night
  • Are most of the friends in your life new or old? Yes
  • Do you like pulpy orange juice? yup
  • Last time you ate peanut butter and jelly? this morning for breakfast
  • What were you doing at 12 a.m. last night? Listening to some awesome Irish music!
  • What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? “No towel, need sleepy” (movie quote, 5 pts)
  • How many televisions are in your house? 2, but only use the 1
  • What color cell phone do you have? Red (embarrassed to admit I have a cell phone…)

and i’m back…

Hey guys.  I’m here, I’m alive, and I’m ready to blog!  Sorry it’s been so long.  As I said in my previous update, I had a lot of  stuff all at once kind of happen.  Then this week has been St. Patty’s Day celebrations (4 concerts since Saturday, my friends have an Irish band…), so I’ve been tired from that.  I’m still exhausted today, but I wanted to get this update up, as I’ll have a big one for tomorrow.

I have some freakin’ amazing friends.  Truly I have been blessed in the great friend department.  I worked at a summer camp for many years and met some great people through that.  Sadly, they mostly live in Minnesota, and I’m in Illinois, so I don’t get to see them as often as I’d like.  I was talking with my friend Dave on facebook chat one day and we decided I needed to come up for a poker night.  Thus the epicness that was that night was born!  So I went up the first weekend of march for drinking, poker, guitar playing, candy cigarette “smoking” and just seeing some great friends again.

don't worry...I got more chips later in the night

I had the best night.  I really miss hanging out with my guys and just being goofy and having fun!  Did I mention that I won the first hand?  Oh yeah, I won the first hand (more about that later…)!

Dave aka “Candy Cigs” and Adam, our supplier

Adam brought a bunch of boxes of candy cigarettes.  Do you remember those?  I use to think they were so cool when I was little!  I think we all developed a bit of a candy cigarette addiction that night…

Jakey, Dan & Dave.

As usually happens when we all get together, the guitars were broken out and bad singing and songs commenced!  I was especially fond of our rendition of “I Wanna Be (5000 miles)” by the Proclaimers, what the hell does haver mean anyway?

I love this guy.  He’s the one that organized the night, made all the phone calls and made sure everyone made it.  The only person not there was Timmy who had a last minute work thing he couldn’t get out of.  So, I mentioned I won the first hand, right (if not, did you hear I won the first hand??)…well, as I’m collecting Dave turns to me and says “Well, you just ruined all our plans.  We were going to give you the money anyway.”  They had conspired before hand and got others to donate as well, to help Justin and I out on our way to be parents.  I about started crying on the spot.  He has been so supportive and awesome through our whole journey and then he goes and does this.  Love ya man.  So instead of a money prize the winner got to pick out some original art done by Timmy.  So I’ll get one of those at some point, too.

Brit (the host) and Bennie, sharing a Candy Cig

I can’t tell you how much I needed that evening with the guys.  After all the beer, shots, guitar, poker, talking and other antics were over we all spread out over Brit’s basement and passed out.  Just to have a night with the old gang again, and also the generosity and support they showed me…it reloaded my hope and energy to continue on this journey, on to the next step, what ever that may be.  Thanks guys.  Wanna do it again sometime??

i’m not dead yet…

It’s the movie quote game.  5 points if you know it!

I am still alive and here.  I have 2 posts planned in my head, just need to get them out into the interwebs.  I’ve had a crazy couple of weeks.  Got the flu, my husbands grandmother passed away and spent a weekend in Minnesota with family and friends.  I promise to tell you all about it soon, but for now, I’ve got a ton of work to do.  Oh Fridays, how you mock me!

Love ya all!!