mfm update and the loss…

Hey all…sorry it’s been a while since I updated. It’s been a hectic week, and I just haven’t taken the time to get it all down.

On Tuesday I went in to see the MFM. He confirmed the miscarriage (not that there was any doubt) and then spent some time talking to me. He doesn’t think there is any reason why I can’t carry a child full term. After taking my history, the scan and looking at records from my other doctors he said he believes that I’ve just had bad luck that past 2 times. That for my 2 pregnancies unfortunately the egg that has fertilized have had some sort of genetic defect and so they did not work out. He said this happens sometimes and there’s no reason to think it will continue to happen. I am having some blood testing done, but it’s mainly just to rule out things like Thyroid problems and diabetes. He wasn’t really convinced I even needed the blood testing done, but since I’ve never been tested for these problems before (really, shouldn’t my fertility clinic have done this???) he said it would be a good idea. I am to go in 8 weeks after the miscarriage is over, get the testing, and he will get the results about a week or two after that and then call and discuss it with me. He recommended staying on the metformin since it did work.

He actually knows the doctor I had at the fertility clinic. He said, “Oh, I’m sure he tested for thyroid problems and these other things before he started your treatment, they always do that.” I couldn’t remember that ever being done, so we had my files faxed over, and sure enough, they never tested for ANY of the things the MFM wanted me checked for. I get more and more frustrated with that place the more I learn. They diagnosed me PCOS, but never mentioned Metformin. I went in with fertility issues, and they never checked, what I’ve gleaned to be, some major causes of infertility. They didn’t even want to figure out what was wrong with me when I first went in. My doctor wanted to jump straight to IVF. At that point, we’d been trying on our own for a year with no luck. I was very frustrated that they didn’t even want to see if there was something wrong with me before they jumped straight to the end of the road! I had to be very insistent that I wanted all of the diagnostic work done BEFORE and course of treatments. Obviously, they didn’t do that. It’s very frustrating that we all have to go through all this crap and basically teach ourselves about the world of IF and ART’s in order to make sure that we are getting proper treatment! After 3 years of this I would be a much better patient going into that clinic now. I’d know what they were doing, I’d know what I needed and I’d be able to ask the right questions. I really do think the 2 years and X number of dollars I spent at that place were almost a complete waste. The only thing that ever came out of that was my first pregnancy, my Declan. Even though I lost him, I wouldn’t trade the time I had with him for the world.

Or with Sophie for that matter. Yesterday I took the day off of work. Wednesday night I started bleeding and passing tissue. I knew I was in for a lot more on Thursday so I took the day off. I thought I was getting off pretty easy because the cramping was not too painful and everything seemed to be going okay. At around 4 pm however, I realized the worst was just beginning. I spent about an hour in terrible pain, crying and throwing up. It was just as bad as I remembered it being at the hospital the first time, only then I had IV pain meds to help out a bit. I won’t get into too many details, but today I think it’s pretty much over. I haven’t passed any tissue since late last night, the cramping is mostly gone and I only have a bit of bleeding now.

I’m glad that it is finally over. I of course am devastated that I lost my child, but I think anyone who has lost a child will tell you, you just want it over at that point. It’s heartbreaking to know you are carrying your child, but it is no long living with you, growing and being nourished by you. With both of my little ones I carried them for 3 weeks after they had already left me.

This means too that I can start the 8 week count down until my blood tests. We are not supposed to try until after the results are in. When he told me that I almost started crying in the office. I had been able to hold it all in until he told me it would be another 2 or 3 months until we could try again. I know it’s for a good reason, and hopefully we’ll be able to use the results to prevent future losses, but it’s going to be a long 3 months.

I want to thank all of you for your love and support through all of this. All of the comments on the last post were a blessing to me and my husband. I don’t know what I would do with out this community to talk with and support. Blessing does not even begin to cover it. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.


7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Mrs. Cline
    Feb 05, 2010 @ 16:16:15

    I’m so sorry. I have no other words, please just know I care and am thinking of you.


  2. Lea
    Feb 05, 2010 @ 16:30:03

    I’m so sorry that you had to go through that again. Many, many hugs. I was also told “bad luck” after my last loss and I think it’s a really hard thing to hear. Sometimes I want to believe that, but most the time I think there is another reason. I know PCOSers have a higher rate of m/c and I’m hoping that the longer you are on the Metformin the less likely they become. I hope the 2-3 months goes quickly. Peace to you and your husband in this difficult time.


  3. K
    Feb 05, 2010 @ 16:54:08

    I’m sorry you had to go through so much physical pain without any meds. UGH. How horrible. I’m glad you were home and not at work.

    I am also pissed off on your behalf with your RE. What the F? Thyroid, Diabetes, those are things that are the basic tests. The most basic protocols start you on Met alone, then Met plus Clomid, then Met plus Clomid plus IUI, etc etc, I can’t BELIEVE he was pushing IVF as the first stop shop. I can understand your frustration.

    Do you like your OB? My OB was going to do my Met plus Clomid cycles, so maybe that might be a better optino for you in the future instead of going back to this RE, he doesn’t deserve your business and your hard earned money.

    But on an important note- I’m sorry you’re dealing with this again. Please hang in there and know that the IF community supports you and holds out so much hope for you.


  4. Susie
    Feb 05, 2010 @ 18:51:24

    Hey there. Sorry to hear that it got worse yesterday. Arg. That totally sucks and no pain meds either. Uff.

    Two thoughts. Can you do or say something to your clinic about the non-testing they did? It just sucks that you gave them so much of your hard earned and gifted and saved money to have them do a shitty job! If you end up having one of those problems (thyroid,etc….which I pray you don’t) maybe then they’d see how stupid they’ve been. It just seems like they wanted your money and you were just a number instead of a person–okay…rant done.

    And the last thought would be that although the 3 month wait will seem like forever and really suck in some ways, maybe you’ll end up needing and appreciating some of that time, too. It might help say goodbye to Sophie and help you to be at peace with everything else that has happened also. I know in some ways it’ll drag, but in other ways maybe you and the hubby can try to take time for yourselves to heal. And when you’re preggo again (which will be in about 4 months I’m praying!!!) you’ll be more healed and ready to give your heart out again.

    I think the fact that I didn’t wait long inbetween miscarriage and pregnancy made the beginning of this pregnancy much tougher for me emotionally than it might have been. I realize that doctor’s state the simple “wait three months before trying again” line after a miscarriage, but now I think it’s not usually for the physical healing of your body, but mostly for the mental and emotional healing that needs to take place. Okay…my two cents and remember I’m just a phone call away if you need to rant or vent about all the fertility crap.
    Love you!!


  5. The Quest For Baby Hang
    Feb 06, 2010 @ 13:01:01

    Again, I am very sorry your going through this again…I am here for you. Maybe ask to be tested for MTHFR Diease it’s a blood disease that causes recurrent miscarriages, and when I first when to the Fertility Dr they tested me for that and a bunch of other stuff that causes miscarriages because they want to know why I have lost 3. Just so happens I have 4 diseases that causes miscarriages.So it has given me some peace to know why it keeps happening. I wanted to send you a private message on twitter but you are not following me, but I just want to let you know that I have been praying for you every single night at prayer time that you and your Husband are in mine and my Husband’s thoughts and prayers. My Husband also says his heart goes out to you both and he hopes ya’ll are doing ok and he is very sorry. Hang in there. These 3 months will fly by!!


  6. 21reena
    Feb 07, 2010 @ 16:00:41

    Still thinking of you – hugs


  7. Molly
    Feb 08, 2010 @ 18:40:44

    I’m so sorry. My heart goes out to you in hopes things will get easier. xo


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