if and celiac disease…

A good friend of mine was diagnosed with celiac disease about a year and a half ago.  If you’ve never heard of it, I suggest clicking this link to read about it on WebMD.  A brief description of what it is: “Celiac disease is a digestive disorder characterized by intolerance to dietary gluten, which is a protein found in wheat, rye, and barley. Consumption of gluten leads to abnormal changes of the mucous membrane (mucosa) of the small intestine, impairing its ability to properly absorb fats and additional nutrients during digestion (intestinal malabsorption).”

It is a very serious disease and the only “cure” is to completely cut out all gluten from your diet.  As you may imagine, this severely limits ones food choices.  Although, a lot of G-free foods are very tasty!  I’ve had a lot since she was diagnosed and made many myself.  When it’s a matter of life or death (which it is for her…if she has gluten it could kill her) you find ways!

Why am I bringing this up here?  Well the very lovely and talented Stirrup Queen posted a link on her Twitter to this article linking celiac disease with infertility.  Celiac disease blocks your body for absorbing nutrients (such as Vitamin D, calcium and Folic Acid…seem important?), there by causing fertility issues and recurrent miscarriages.  The article points to a blogger, Waiting in Sunshine and her post about her celiac’s and infertility.

I think this is an important issue to look into for those of us still in the trenches.  In April I go in for some big blood work to see if there is any reason I continue to loose my babies.  The PCOS explains my difficulty getting pregnant (though with metformin now, we seem to have helped that problem out a lot) but now we’re looking into why I can’t stay pregnant.  The MFM doc I saw didn’t see any reason in my ultrasound and past testing to explain it.  What if all my tests come back okay?  What then?  I don’t think I have any of the celiac symptoms, but the blood test is so easy to check for it, and I know there are clinics that offer free testing for it all the time.  It would be something to look into if there is no other explanation.  I’m not putting this up here to make everyone think that there IF/miscarriage issues are caused by celiac disease.  I’m just saying it’s certainly something to consider if all else fails.

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WHAT THE *F* UTAH!!!

You may have noticed that I usually use all lower case letters in my titles for blog posts, but I think this post deserved all caps (credit to TTCargh for posting this link on Twitter)…

Apparently Utah is trying to pass a law that could charge women with homicide if they miscarry.  HOMICIDE!!!!!  Are you kidding me?????  Please click the link to read the article yourself.  I can’t even tell you how LIVID this article makes me.  Sure, it seems they are trying to aim the law at women who intentionally cause a miscarriage, but I think it is a slippery slope.  Given that line of reasoning, it could be extrapolated that women with known fertility issues could be charged.  I mean we do have a higher risk of miscarriage, so I guess if you really wanted to take it as far as possible, if I were living in Utah and this law were passes, I could be charged with 2 counts of homicide.

Given that there is sadly such a high percentage of pregnancy loss, especially in the first trimester, I think they are going to have a lot of cases on there hands.  All this law will do is tie up the prosecutors with needless cases, instead of dealing with ones that are really important!  If they want to truly enforce it, they’d have to investigate every miscarriage to see if there was any “wrong doing” on the part of the mother.

ARGHH  I’m seriously fuming over this, I can’t even get the words out to express the rage.

A quote from the article from (someone named) Dan Savage: “If every miscarriage is a potential homicide, how does Utah avoid launching a criminal investigation every time a woman has a miscarriage? […] And how is Utah supposed to know when a pregnant woman has had a miscarriage? You’re going to have to create some sort of pregnancy registry to keep track of all those fetuses, Utah. Perhaps you could start issuing “conception certificates” to women who get pregnant? And then, if there isn’t a baby within nine months of the issuance of a conception certificate, the woman could be hauled in for questioning and she could be indicted for criminal homicide if it’s determined that she intentionally or accidentally induced a miscarriage.”

Yup…exactly.  It’s going to take up time, money, and be completely pointless.  Of all the states that could have made this law, I’m not surprised it’s Utah.  I usually have nothing bad to say about the Mormon church in general.  I’ve known many Mormons and I’ve found them to be nothing but kind individuals.  I may not agree with their theology, but it doesn’t stop me from recognizing them as decent people who have just as much right as anyone else to worship and believe as they want.  Of course, in EVERY religion (there are no exclusions that I’ve found in my life/studies), there are those who take it too far.  I think this is one of those instances.  The state of Utah has many Mormon citizens, and it appears that those in the extremes are trying to punish women for something they may or may not have control over.

I also normally don’t comment on the abortion issue.  I don’t know exactly what to call myself.  I believe any sort of death is needless and wrong, but on the other hand, I know there are times when it is needed.  Technically, the d&c I had is a form of abortions.  Yes, my child was already gone, but the procedure is the same.  There are cases where the mother’s life is in danger, or in the case of multiples, one or more of the babies is at risk.  There are many other times or situations that I’m not going to get into.  Ultimately, I do believe it is up to the parents, but I don’t get into it, because it’s not a decision that effects me.  I’m sorry if I’m getting into a touchy subject and making people uncomfortable, it’s why I don’t normally talk about it – but I think it plays into this article.  It seems that Utah is trying to punish women who, because of family, religion, etc do not have the option to go for an abortion, try to handle things on there own in a relatively safe manor (as apposed to clothes hangers, back alley abortions, etc).  While I don’t get into abortion as a government issue, in this case trying to pass laws to punish women for something they may not have had control over (losing a baby in a car accident for instance) is utterly and completely wrong.

Oi!!  Okay, I’ve gotten some of that out of my system.  I may not have said it clearly or expressed it correctly, but I got it out.  Again, I apologize for perhaps getting too political (I hate doing that), but like I said, in this case I think it was called for.  Please don’t come after me for that!  Hopefully you can see the anger and that it is placed in the right place.

we are so done…

So, remember a few posts back when I talked about my awful miscarriage followup appointment with my ob/gyn?  You know, where they didn’t look at the chart and see I had miscarried and started treating me like a pre-natal patient?  Well, it turns out there was a reason for that…

I looked at my phone this morning and saw I had missed a call earlier today from my ob/gyn office.  I figured they were calling to yell at me for not getting my blood work done yet (we did try to go Friday, but it was closed…).  I listened to the message and it said, “This is Dr. T’s office.  I noticed that we don’t have your next appointment down on the books.  I don’t know if we just forgot to put it in or if you haven’t scheduled one yet.  Please call me back.”  Immediately, my blood began to boil.  I just knew – I KNEW – that they still thought I was pregnant.

I called back and actually got the receptionist (usually I have to leave a message, then call back later when they don’t return my call).  It was even the woman who had left the message for me.  Conversation was something like this:

Her: Hi!  I’m the one that called you!

Me: Yeah, why did you call me?

Her: We seem to have either forgotten to write your next appointment down or we didn’t schedule one.

Me: I don’t understand.  Why do I need an appointment?

Her: Aren’t you pregnant?

Me: *cleansing breath so I don’t go ALL out on her* No I miscarried.

Her: Oh, um…

Me: This is the SECOND time this has happened and it’s getting very frustrating!

Her: I’m sorry, no one seems to have written that in the computer or on your chart.  I’ll be sure to do that.

Me: Thanks *hangs up phone*

I can’t BELIEVE they didn’t write it down!!!  At least I know what happened with my last appointment, the nurse couldn’t have looked at my chart to know what I was there for – BECAUSE THE DAMN DOCTOR NEVER WROTE IT DOWN!!!!!  I’m so over you Dr. Tam.  We are done – through, over, Elvis has left the building and he ain’t comin’ back!

I try not to name my doctors on this blog, but seriously, if you’re in the Chicago area, DON’T go see Dr. Teresa Tam!!  I’ve had nothing by awkward or bad experiences there.  I was never comfortable with her.  I’m in the market people, lookin’ for a new doctor.  Who can treat me the way I deserve to be treated.  Someone who can be sensitive to my needs, to my wants and desires…

Wait, that’s starting to sound like a personal add!  I guess that’s what I need to write though!

WANTED: A doctor who knows about PCOS and it’s complications.  A doctor who will treat me like a person, not a number.  A doctor who will read my chart BEFORE entering the room, and also to WRITE DOWN important information IN my chart.  Someone I don’t have to explain my entire history to every time I go in, because they’ve read my chart and know it!

Okay, my venting is out.  Seriously though, if you ARE in the Chicago area and have a good recommendation for me, let me know!

keep on keepin’ on…

Welcome to my new blog layout! Do you like it? I needed to change it up a bit. Like my DH said, the old design worked well for what it was for when I created the blog, but I needed something fresh. Hopefully it’s easier to read!

Nothing much to report in the TTC department. I’ll be going in Friday for the blood work my ob/gyn wanted me to do. I was supposed to do it last week, but I just couldn’t make myself go in and do it then. I needed a break from it, and that’s what last week was for me.

On Friday night we had dinner with some of Justin’s seminary friends and then watched the Opening Ceremonies. It was a much needed night of relaxation.

Saturday morning we woke up and drove out to “the land of Chicago-land” – the suburbs! My best friend Susie and her family live out there and we went for a visit. There daughter, Jannah is our goddaughter. Here’s a great shot of her (she was running around the house with a color book page in her mouth):

Susie and I took the day and went shopping and had some girl time.  She is 21w5d along with her 3 pregnancy.  We were able to talk through what we have each been going through.  She had a miscarriage last year and has been trying to deal with the loss and the fear of now being pregnant after a loss.  Soup, Salad & Breadsticks at Olive Garden helped us to discuss our hopes and fears.  It was a great conversation and helped me get some stuff out that I’d been holding in.  If you get a chance, head over to her blog and wish her luck, as today she finds out if their little on is a boy or a girl!  Either way, that kid is going to be the best dressed baby around after all of the patterns I bought on Monday!!

Anyway, after shopping, we headed back to her place where the boys (her hubby & mine) had been taking care of the almost 3 year old all day!  Sounds like they had a good time, and even went to a dog sled race!  We had dinner, played a game of Settlers of Catan (my favorite) and then we had to leave.

That night we went to see our friends’ band, One of the Girls play at the Irish-American Heritage Center in Chicago.  The band is what they call “blueirishfolkgrass” and is always a good time.  It helps when you know the band!  Justin had to head home early (due to work the next day) but I stayed for the whole gig and then slept over at my friend Abbey’s house.

Kind of a fuzzy picture of the band: Roger, Tom, Tripp & Sean.  Mike D not shown.  Why?  Because…

…he was playing accordion on the bar.  Good times.

DH and I having an argument (not really, we were just kidding around).

Me, Sappers, Abbey & Evy enjoying the show.

It was a great night, and like I said, much needed.  It was nice to get out of the house and do something fun with friends!  It helped also that I had 4 Smithwick’s and a shot!  But really, just being able to have a fun day with the people I love did wonders for my mental state.

So the next steps: beta test on Friday.  Big blood work at the beginning of April.  Until then, I’m supposed to see a nutritionist (recommended by the MFM doc).  I’ll also be starting back up at Curves next week.  I’m hoping by April I can drop at least 10-20 lbs.  That’s my goal.  I may be doing some sharing on that here later, but for now that’s all I have to report.  Hope you are all doing well!

stealing BustedPlumbing’s band wagon…

Kate from Busted Plumbing is doing this great “Ask Me Anything” post right now, and I love it!  So, I decided to completely steal her idea and do one as well!  It seems like it’ll be fun, and a good way for people to get to know me better 🙂

Click on over to my formspring.me page to ask questions and see my answers!  Any really good ones, I just may post here, too!  If you follow me on Twitter or are a friend on Facebook, I’m linked in that way as well.  I think this is going to be a good way for me to figure myself out as well and see where I go from here…

Me during my camp counselor days...

and it just keeps on coming…

Hey guys…sorry it’s been a while.  I have had things to post about, I just haven’t been able to convince myself to do it.  I had my follow up appointment with my ob/gyn on Monday.  I should have known it was going to be a bad day when I got to work and realized that the appointment was that day, and not the next day as I had been thinking it was!

I got to the office and they showed me to the exam room.  I sat down to wait and then I heard the nurse calling me from the hallway.  I went out and she said “I need to get your weight.”  I thought, okay, kinda weird, but they do weigh you a lot when you go to see a doctor, so whatever.  She took my weight and then handed me a plastic cup.  “We’ll need a urine sample too.”  I kind of gave her a confused look.  “Really?  You need to test that?”  She looked back and said, “Yes, we need it every time you come in.”  It was then I realized what was going on.  I looked at the nurse and said, “They didn’t change the appointment did they.  This is for a miscarriage follow up.”  She looked down at my chart (the one she had been holding the whole time, the one she had JUST written my weight on, the one that said on the very first page that I had lost my baby) and looked back up to me with just a bit of panic in her eyes, “Oh, I’m sorry.  Okay, you can go and wait for the doctor.”

Yup.  If that wasn’t an unfriendly reminder of what I was going through, I don’t know what would be!  I’m really getting frustrated with doctors and their staff NOT LOOKING AT MY DAMN CHART BEFORE THEY TALK TO ME.  Seriously, is it so hard to open up a folder and see just WHY I’m in your office to begin with?  You know, shouldn’t that be an important first step to a visit?  I understand I live in Chicago, it’s a GINORMOUS town and my doctors see a lot of patients so they can’t be expect to remember me and my issues, but isn’t that what the charts are for?  So that they don’t have to remember all the details?  So they can read what it says and know what they are doing before they walk into the room??

The hubs and I have decided that after this whole mess is over that I should start looking for a new gynecologist.   She’s nice enough, but sometimes she just frustrates the heck out of me.  I have to explain EVERYTHING to her each time I go in.  She can’t do all the things for me that I need (monitor Metformin, etc).  I should really be with someone who’s specialty is infertility and high risk pregnancies.

So after the nurse spoke with me, I waited a bit for the doctor to come in.  She talked with me a bit about what the MFM doctor said and then she did a quick exam to make sure that things were going along okay.  I told her the MFM doc wants me to get some blood work done in 8 weeks and that I’m not supposed to try again until after those tests and the results have come in.  We’ll go from there.  Then she said she wanted me to go in for blood work to check my beta numbers.  She said “I can’t sign off on you trying again until the numbers are 5 or lower.”  I asked if it was necessary, since the MFM doc doesn’t want us trying until after the big blood tests.  She insisted on it “I just can’t let you try again until we know the numbers are falling.”  I said again to her, well we won’t be trying again until after the blood tests in 8 weeks to which she said, “Oh, that’s in 8 weeks?  Well, I’d still like you to go in.”  It’s like she had cotton in her ears or something!  I said to her at least 3 times that I was having all this blood work done, ordered by the MFM doc, and she didn’t seem to understand what I was saying.  I really don’t want to have to go in 2 times for blood work…can’t they just tack on the beta test with the rest and get it all done at once?  Apparently not.  So now I have 3 orders for blood work (2 betas, in case the first test numbers aren’t low enough I’ll have to go back in) and the tests for the MFM doctor.  At that point I was just ready to get the hell out of there.  I was mad and frustrated and just wanted to get home.

I had to run some errands quick, so I did that and went home.  I had to walk the dogs.  They got on my nerves.  I was also starting to cramp again so I knew I had to get inside quick.  The dogs were being very naughty on their walk and not listening so I was getting more angry and frustrated by the minute.  Went inside, go to the bath room and had a melt down!  I’m not sure what the final trigger was, but all of a sudden I was throwing things across the room and then I just broke down.  I sobbed and sobbed and cried out.  My poor doggies on the other side of the door were trying to get to me, but I just needed to be alone right then.  I think up until that point, I hadn’t let myself deal with what was happening.  Of course, I broke down and was devastated the day we found out Sophie was gone, but after that I bottled it up.  I had to go to work the next day, and really haven’t had any time off to really grieve the loss.   After Declan I had almost 5 days to be home and face the loss.  I haven’t had time to do that this time.  It all came out on Monday, and I’ve been trying to come out of it ever since.

I’m of course not saying I don’t want to grieve, or that I’m over it.  Not at all, and I never will be.  I’m just not sure how to go on from a second loss.  I think that’s why I haven’t been letting myself deal with it.  I’m getting there slowly.  The breakdown on Monday I think was step one – I think that’s when I really accepted it, and let myself feel the pain.

I’ve also recently realized that I’m in a bit of a rut and I need to break out of it.  I need to shake my life up a bit and do something different.  Get out into the world and experience it.  I used to be in such a good place and really enjoying life and all it had to offer.  Lately, I feel like I’ve been putting that old me on as a mask and projecting that that is who I still am, trying to get back there, but not quite making it.  I’m not sure if that sentence just made sense, but I think I know what I meant.

To that end, I’m going to try and shake things up in my routine.  Start a class in something, or do something different at home every night, instead of just plopping down on the couch because I’m so exhausted from the day.  I need to DO something instead of just letting things happen to me.  It’s time to take some action and become the me I used to know and love.

I hope this post hasn’t gotten anyone too worried about me.  I’m not depressed, don’t worry.  I have a lot of amazing things in my life: my husband (first and foremost the best thing that has ever happened to me and I love him very very very very much), my puppies, my friends, my family.  Our life is on the right track, with my hubby discovering his path in life – I’m so happy for him.  We’ve hit this huge speed bump in our life, but I know, in someway – someday we will reach the top and get over the hump.  I just need to do something to keep myself going until we get there.  It’s time for a change.

busted plumbing giveaway…

The lovely Ms Kate over at Busted Plumbing is doing an amazing giveaway! She is working with Circle + Bloom to give away an iPod shuffle preloaded with the Circle + Bloom program. I’ve been reading a bit about Circle + Bloom, and follow them on Twitter (and now on Facebook), but never thought of trying their products due to cost. However, if it works and I have a chance to try it free, I’m all for it! Take a look-sy at Kate’s “Reviews” section of her blog to read more about the products and the giveaway, and maybe even enter to win!

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