discouraged…

It’s been a week since the IUI.  I don’t think it worked.  It seems like at this point last time, when we had conceived Zippy, I was exhausted, thirsty all the time, and peeing non stop.  I haven’t felt any of those symptoms so far.  We have our blood test on Monday (6/29) and I’m not holding out much hope that it will be good news.  I’m going to be devastated if this did not work.  We had 1 shot to go for this.  Now I don’t think we’ll be able to try again, unless we win the lottery.  It makes me so angry that the only thing stopping us from having a child is money.  It’s just not fair.

In other news, we are getting a new “baby” of sorts…we’ve decided to get another dog.  We have one 3 year old dog now named Malcolm Reynolds (named after a character from the TV show Firefly/movie Serenity).  We got Mal when he was 8 weeks old and now we’re ready for him to have a “sibling.”  Mal is a mix between a chihuahua and a terrier (what kind we’re not sure).  Here’s Malcolm:

mal

Our new puppy will also be named after a character from Firefly/Serenity.  Her name is Inara Serra:

nara

She is 7 weeks old.  Unfortunatly, we don’t have her home yet.  We’ll pick her up on Sunday after we move.  My husband is starting school in the fall, so we’re moving closer to his school.  Her mix: her mom is a bichon frise/shih tzu mix and her dad is a dachshund.  You can see she gets most of her looks from daddy!  I’m so excited to have her joining our family.

I’ve wanted a new puppy for a while, but I think this is a good time to get her.  I’ve been antsy all week wanting to go pick her up.  It’s kept my mind off of the wait for the blood test.  Also, if it does turn out to be a BFN, at least I’ll have her to fill my life for a while.  Having a new puppy is very much like a new baby.  We found that out when we got Malcolm.  You have to get up in the middle of the night to take them out to go potty.  They sleep a lot and sometimes make little puppy crying sounds.  You have to constantly watch them to make sure they’re not getting into things they’re not supposed to, or chewing on things they shouldn’t.  The only difference is that you can’t leave a baby in a crate all day while you’re at work!

I hope you are all doing well.  Thank you for all of the comments and support you give.  I don’t go through a day without checking on my IF blogging community at least twice.  I rejoice with you when things go well, and cry with you when they don’t.  I’m so grateful to have this community to be with me on my own journey.

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Kate
    Jun 23, 2009 @ 23:05:40

    Awww sweetie *hugs* I don’t know you but I know your pain intimately, so in some ways I do know you on a very personal level, and I’m sorry you are feeling disappointed and feeling discouraged by the road ahead.

    You said: It makes me so angry that the only thing stopping us from having a child is money. It’s just not fair. <– Amen. It also makes me angry that this can't JUST happen.

    Jack doesn't know why I read people's blogs and write on my own. He thinks its not good because it makes me fixated. For me, reading blogs is being part of a group of people who get it. Who I don't have to make analogies for, or anything else to help them understand. I need to read blogs and I need to write so that I feel less alone.

    Congrats on your new puppy!!!! I LOVE puppies but I don't have a dog. You should watch Marley & Me though I warn you there is a scene IFers can relate to and could make you sad.

    haha, sorry for going on and on!

    Reply

  2. Kate
    Jun 23, 2009 @ 23:06:06

    I left a ten page comment. It went through right? I hope so!

    Reply

  3. meggomae
    Jun 24, 2009 @ 14:37:39

    Kate…thanks for the long comment! It got sent to spam 1st, but I approved it right away!

    Yes, this would all be much easier if it would just happen. That is what’s so frustrating about the $ – people with no money and people with tons of money get pregnant all the time without even thinking about it. They haven’t had to deal with 2 years of pain, thousands of dollars dumped into this and the pain of losing a child. It just doesn’t seem to make sense to me.

    I agree with you on IF blogs. It’s wonderful to read stories from people who are there, who get it. Many many times when I’m reading peoples posts, yours included, I find myself nodding my head. We all have different stories, but they are still so similar. Some people are able to express exactly what I’m feeling and thinking in a way that I can’t! So many times I just want to cut and paste someone’s post onto my own blog because it is my story. It is my pain.

    We may not “know” one another, but we are connected in a way that I could never connect with other people that I know personally. Like you said – we get each other and don’t have to explain. It makes things just a bit easier to bear sometimes.

    Reply

  4. CeCe Garrett
    Jun 25, 2009 @ 05:55:56

    Praying that you are dead wrong and totally with child. Which seminary is your husband going to? Email me and lemme know… and make sure he gets in touch with my Hubs… it helps to know someone who has been there/going through seminary. The puppy is adorable!

    Hugs and major love sent your way. Just remember, Our Daddy doesn’t let us faint or fall… so maybe… when you are feeling faint..like you are falling, life is failing…. your miracle of the moment is headed straight to you. I pray that you find strength and peace and two pink lines.

    Hugs,
    CeCe

    Reply

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