another response…
This time from Sen. Roland Buris:
Dear Ms. Thornburgh:
Thank you for contacting me to discuss the inclusion of women’s reproductive services in health reform. I appreciate the benefit of your views.
I am, and have always been, a strong supporter of preventive healthcare and ending disparities. For this reason, I support health insurance reform that will help assure equal treatment for women by health insurers. Currently, private insurance companies often charge higher premiums for women because of their reproductive health needs. Reform will ban this practice and assure women better access to gynecology services.
Health insurance reform will also give each woman greater choice in what their insurance covers. For individuals who lose their job, or do not have insurance from their employer, reform will provide stability, by assuring access to affordable, quality insurance. Insurance consumers will have the power to choose a plan that fits with their needs and morals. A variety of choices would allow those that want infertility treatment coverage to receive it, while enabling those who do not to choose a different plan. Health insurance reform is all about greater choice, and I will fight for the right of every American to choose a quality insurance plan.
I will continue to listen closely to what you and other Illinoisans have to say about matters before Congress, the concerns of our communities, and the issues facing Illinois and the nation. My job is not about merely supporting or opposing legislation; it is also about bridging the divide that has paralyzed our nation’s politics.
Sincerely,
Roland W. Burris
United States Senator
Thanks Sen. Burris. Too bad this won’t help me anytime in the near future.
the end of hope…
I have my blood test on Friday to see if this IUI cycle worked…but I’m pretty sure it didn’t. I’ve had no symptoms: tiredness, sore/tender breasts, constantly peeing – nothing.
Even though I’m pretty sure I’m not pregnant, when I hear the finaly word on Friday, I know I’m gonna break down. This was our last chance I think. I’ve not allowed my husband to bring it up because I don’t want to think about it yet, but I’m pretty sure we won’t be able to try again. We’ve maxed out every resourse we have for money. We’ve gotten grants, taken out loans, begged from friends and family and wiped out our savings. We’ve got nothing left and no where else to look for more.
It’s rediculous…beyond rediculous that the only reason I (or I guess for a lot of you, we) can’t have a family because insurance does not cover the costs. Don’t I have as much right to a baby as every other woman in America? It’s not fair that all they have to do is have one night of sex and BOOM! Baby…
My husband and I have been TTC since January of 2007. We’re coming up on our 3 year anniversary of not having a baby – this is not an anniversary that you celebrate, rather one that you mourn. And I will. I will mourn the child I should have had in October. I will mourn all the children I COULD have had in that amount of time if I were a normal woman. I will mourn the children I may NEVER get to have simply because I don’t have the insane amount of money it costs to make a child.
I’ve been trying to think of ways I can get the money we need to make a child:
1) Find a job that pays me $100,000 a year
2) Get a second job and work every night
3) Sell all of my possessions
4) Win the lottery
5) Make friends with a very rich, very old, very sick person who will give me all their money
Short of any of those, this is probably it. If we wait until my husband is done with school I’ll be about 32 or 33 years old. Dangerously close to 35…
I’ve looked into adoption, because husband and I have always said we wanted to adopt, but that costs even more than having one myself. It just seems so unfair. All I want is a baby. There are thousands of babies out there who need a good home, but I can’t afford them. I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO BUY A BABY!!!
I don’t know this person that I’ve become. This new person gets upset seeing families walking down the street, or a parent pushing their baby in a stroller. My blood boils when I see a pregnant woman – I actually get MAD when I see a pregnant woman. That’s not fair. I don’t know their story. I’m just jealous. I’ve never been a jealous person, but this new me is. This new me is prone to tears at random times. This new me is never quite as happy as I used to be, though I put on a good face. I hate this new me. I want her to go away, but she sticks around…and I fear she’s here to stay.
politics…
Back in June RESOLVE had their Advocacy Day. I did what I could to participate here in Chicago. I blogged about it, I used Twitter and Facebook to bring awareness, and I also wrote to my Congressmen and Representatives. Mostly I just got automated responses back from them, but at least I felt like I’d done something.
Well, to my surprise, I opened up my email today and had a response from Sen. Dick Durbin! Here’s what he said:
September 24, 2009
Dear Ms. Thornburgh:
Thank you for contacting me regarding insurance coverage of infertility treatment. I appreciate hearing from you.
Senator Kirsten Gillibrand (D-NY) introduced the Family Building Act of 2009. This bill would require a group health plan that provides coverage for obstetrical services to include coverage for non-experimental treatment of infertility. This bill also would provide coverage through the Federal Employees Health Benefit program as well as the Department of Defense.
The Family Building Act was referred to the Senate Health, Education, Labor and Pensions (HELP) Committee. I will be sure to keep your concerns in mind in case this legislation comes to the Senate floor for a vote.
Thank you again for contacting me. Please feel free to keep in touch.
Sincerely,
Richard J. Durbin
United States Senator
Yay! Not only did he respond, but he let me know about what is happening in Washington that could help us all! I urge you all to email/call/write your Congresspersons to tell them what you think about this possible legislation! Hopefully someday soon none of us will have to battle insurance companies and our own pocketbooks to have the families we are dreaming of.
- Contact your Representative and ask them to co-sponsor HR 697, the Family Building Act of 2009.
- Contact your Senators and ask them to co-sponsor S 1258, the Family Building Act of 2009.
Information on the HR 697 Family Building Act of 2009 found from this site:
Family Building Act of 2009 – Amends the Public Health Service Act and the Employee Retirement Income Security Act (ERISA) to require a group health plan that provides coverage for obstetrical services to include coverage for non-experimental treatment of infertility that is deemed appropriate by a participant or beneficiary and the treating physician. Requires coverage for assisted reproductive technology only if certain conditions are met. Prohibits a group health plan from taking specified actions to avoid the requirements of this Act. Applies such requirements to health insurance coverage offered in the individual market and coverage offered through Federal Employees Health Benefit (FEHB) plans.
you know you’ve been TTC too long when…
Everything you start to see makes you think of IF or TTC related things. This is a problem I’ve been having lately. Random, mundane things will all of a sudden look TTC related to me.
The first instance happened last week. I was doing a Focus Group study (basically a company pays you to come in and look at their adds and answer questions. Usually get about $100 for 2 hours. Not bad…) for a company that makes lotions and body washes. Their new add campaign is featuring hand drawn blueberries across the screen during the commercial. At one point they showed an image of a blueberry being used as a clock (to highlight that you will have 24 hours of moisturizing). In some of their other adds the blueberries were used to mark the hours on the clock. On this one, the whole blueberry was the clock. Now this is pretty harmless to a regular person…to me, all I could see was a fertilized egg:
Am I wrong here? Now, these are not the images they used for their clock…just random clip art I found…trust me, theirs DID look a lot like a fertilized egg. So, I made a comment about it. We’re encoraged to say what we think of the adds, so I did. I was immediatly embarrased. Of COURSE I was the only woman in the group who would see THAT in the add! Oi!
Exhibit 2: WordPress Stats.
I opened up my wordpress dashboard to check if I had any new comments or anything. If you have wordpress, you know on your dashboard you will see a graph that charts the stats of your blog: how many people have viewed it on a particular day. Completly inocent – unless you’re TTC!!
Anyone else see it? To me this is not a stats chart of all you lovilies who check my blog: it’s a basil body tempature chart. Yup, the good ‘ole BBT. This is especially true for me, as I can’t really chart my BBT because it always looks like this: up and down every day, no matter what.
Maybe I’m going crazy. Maybe I’ve been at this too long, but one thing is for certain: nothing in this world is the same once you’ve joined the IF ranks!
tick tock tick tock…
The 2ww is on. We had IUI on Saturday and Sunday mornings. Started my Endometrium this morning. Everything went well. Had and interesting nurse on Saturday. VERY chatty. Also, right before the procedure she said “I’ll step out so you can undress. If you have to use the bathroom, don’t yet. It makes it easier for me.” When I told her it was too late I had already gone, she seemed upset. She then went off about how she always sends memo’s around about this and everyone ignores her. I was left feeling that she was mad that I had not read her memo – you know, the one she sends to the WORKERS in the clinic. How was I as a patient supposed to read her memo?? Anyway…she did her thing. I was very quick. I call her now the whirlwind nurse, because the whole thing took her about 20 seconds and she was talking the whole time about random stuff. She didn’t even warn me when the speculum was going in. All of a sudden I was like “Oh! I guess we’re starting now!” Anyway, the husband’s count was good that day…after the wash it was about 35 million.
Day 2, I got the lovely Carol who we have had before. Unfortunately because it was Sunday my husband couldn’t stay around for the procedure. He did his thing and then had to leave for church, as he was part of the service. It was the first time I’ve done and IUI alone. It was quite a different experience. I wish he could have been there, but I understand why he couldn’t. Love you honey! So…his count that day was crazy! 117 million!!! There was something like 74% motility, so it was really only about 86 million, but that is still a lot! Ladies…my husband is beyond fertile. Seriously. It make me feel bad sometimes that if he had married someone else, he’d have about 50 kids by now. But I’m glad he married me, and he is with me on this whole journey.
So, now we’re waiting. I’m hopeful for this cycle…I have to be, it could be the last one. So I’m very nervous, too. Guess we’ll find out in 2 weeks…
TICK
TOCK
TICK
TOCK
TICK
TOCK
TICK…
it’s on…
Went in this morning for ANOTHER blood work & u/s. The tech I had today always tells me the measurements as she goes so I was very relieved when she told me that good ‘ole Laverne had given me an 18 and a 16.5mm!! Yay Laverne! Shirley is still plugging along with a 12mm. Happy to hear that, I went in for my blood draw. I asked to speak to my nurse after that, to get the box of Brevelle she had set aside for me just in case.
Jaime, my rock star nurse extraordinaire had just been looking at my ultrasound and she said, “Your ultrasound looks great. No Bravelle tonight, we’re going to have you do the Ovadril tonight and IUI Saturday and Sunday. I’m going to cancel your blood work for today so you don’t have to pay for it.” I love that woman. She very much understands our situation and does what she can to help us out! Right now she’s calling around to pharmacies in Chicago to see if any of them have the Ovadril. I usually order through Freedom Fertility Pharmacy over the phone and they overnight the stuff to me, but since I need it tonight, that won’t work. She said there are 2 places she knows might have it, and she’ll call me as soon as she knows where to send me. Did I mention how much of a rock star she is?
So…looks like the 2ww starts tomorrow folks. I’m glad we’re finally to this point again, but nervous. At the end of this 2ww, it’ll be my due date for Zippy (Oct 4). That means, depending on the news, that weekend will either be much easier to deal with, or I will crawl into a cave and hibernate for the next month. Any good vibes y’all can send me would be MUCH appreciated!!! Here we go again!
the update…
Okay, just got the call from my nurse. Laverne (right side): 16.5, 14.5, 12mm and some smaller. Shirley (left side): 11, 10mm and some smaller. My estrogen levels went down from Monday to 45. I asked her what that meant. She said when there is a good mature follicle, estrogen should be around 150. It can sometimes drop and go back up, so that’s what they’re hoping for. So, for tonight and tomorrow night I do doses of 150 of the Bravelle and back in on Friday morning. Man there have been a lot of check ups with this damn cycle! I knew going down to 75 was a bad idea. Anyway…at least they didn’t cancel it outright! Hurrah! So, guess I still don’t know when the IUIs will be…hopefully soon…
nervous…
Had another u/s today to check my follicles. Laverne at last check had one at 15, that was the biggest. Today I went in (after 2 more days of Bravelle, dose of 75) and Laverne’s biggest follicle was 16.5. Hmm….that makes me REALLY nervous that they’ll cancel this cycle. They can’t do that. They just can’t. We’ve put so much money into this cycle already because they’ve done so many u/s checks that we just don’t have enough for another full cycle. We have enough to finish this one out, but that’s probably about it. I knew I should have said something when the nurse told me to do 75 of the Brevelle. I’ve NEVER responded well to a dose that low, and they’ve had be do that 3 times this cycle. No wonder it’s taking so long! I’m really hoping that they’ll say take a higher dose tonight (like 225??) and then do the Ovadril shot tomorrow, IUI on Friday and Saturday. I know they like to have the follicles about 18-20mm. I’m so close! I’m going to try my hardest to convince them to try the IUI this cycle if they attempt to cancel on me…it’s worth a shot if it’s the only one I have left. Better to try at least.
I’ll post more this afternoon when I hear from the clinic…
still a bit sluggish…
It seems like these damn things are taking forever to grow…follicles that is. I’m on CD12 and they are still not ready for me! My last IUI cycle I only had to go in for 3 blood work and u/s checks. Come this Wednesday it’ll be #4. “Righty” (let’s call her Laverne from now on) has a 15, 14.5 & 11.5 size follicles. “Lefty” (aka: Shirley) has one at a size 10. I’m a bit nervous that Laverne is the one that’s pulling through. She’s the one that had the biggest follicles with the last IUI attempt and it was a big flop on that one. When I got pregnant with Zippy, it was Shirley that supplied the egg for him/her. I’ve heard that a woman tends to favor one side over the other when it comes to makin’ babies. Anyone know if this is actually true? Can it switch sides or is it always from one particular side? It seems like with my first 2 IUI’s it was the left, and now the last one and this one it’s been on the right.
Got a different tech today…the one I like the best. Very nice, and sometimes asks if I want to help her guide the “probe”. At least then I can say no and she can do it herself. I didn’t like her at first, but that may have been slightly biased since the first few times she gave me the ultrasound check ups she was pregnant. There really is nothing like being in an infertility clinic, trying your hardest to get pregnant by any means, and having a big old pregnant belly rubbing against your legs while you’re in the stirrups. Yup. I told my husband at one point that pregnant women should not be allowed to work at RE clinics. I was only half joking though…half.
Anyway, 75 tonight and tomorrow on the Bravelle, then back bright and early on Wed for another check. LET’S GO LAVERNE!!!
a practice run…
That’s apparently what my first pregnancy was, according to my lab tech…a practice run.
Went in today for 3rd blood woork and u/s. Got the chatty tech (I hate getting her. She’s good, but I don’t really want to sit there and talk about how beautiful my lining is). Anyway, She’s measuring and chatting along and here was where the conversation (by conversation I mean her talking at me while I’m trying to concentrate on not jumping out of the stirrups every time she digs the wand in) turns:
Tech: We’re just looking for one good follicle, that’s all you need.
Me: Mmm…(sure lady, just do your thing and get me on to the blood people)
Tech: You’ve been pregnant before right.
Me: Yes (thanks for continually bringing that up. I really love talking about my lost child)
Tech: How many follicles did you have for that?
Me: I don’t recall (seriously, let’s just get this over with!)
Tech: Well, let’s try and get you that way again. That was your practice run!
Me: *blankly stares at tech and blinks*
WHAT THE F*CK?!?!?!?!?! In what twisted time/place would it EVER be okay to say something like that to a woman who had lost a child? Let alone in a freakin’ INFERTILITY CLINIC!!!!!!! Am I wrong here? Am I over reacting?? I don’t think so. Never, never, EVER call my child a practice run!!!!!! I was so shocked that she had said that, I didn’t even know what to do. I went into the restroom to get redressed and I just teared up. I wish I would have had the presence of mind to say something to her. Anything:
“I’m sorry? What did you just call my child? I don’t think so!”
“A practice run? A PRACTICE RUN?? I’ll show you a practice run!!!”
“Excuse me, could you never, ever refer to a lost baby as a practice run…ever…to anyone?”
You know, something like that. Then, I’m already in a bad mood from that and go up to the sign out counter. This is where break downs usually happen, because it’s where the money handling is done. We have a credit on our account due to a medical loan we got. This credit is dwindling, but there should be a bit left in there. Apparently however, it take 2 weeks for charges to be processed and for the actual amount of our credit to show up on our forms at the office. The lady at the desk said, “I can’t tell how much is in there, and probably won’t for 2 weeks. I suggest you pay us now and then we can reimburse you.” As if it’s that easy! We just don’t have the spare money to be throwing around and waiting for a reimbursement check that may never come. The whole point of this loan was to have money there so we didn’t have to deal with this sh*t every time we go in. It was supposed to relieve our stress, not cause more. I asked if I could call the billing dept. and get an accurate count. “You could call them, but they may not know until Monday, and everything may not have been processed yet.” Great. The billing dept. doesn’t even know what’s going on. Great system they have working here! I was told that the clinic would always be able to tell what my credit on my account was. So much for that. So now I have to go through the headache calling the billing dept, explaining my whole situation to the receptionist, hopefully get transferred to someone who can understand my dilemma, and explain it all to them again! I usually have to go through this about 3 or 4 time before I get someone who can actually help me. I have a guy who helped me last time. He gave me his name and told me to ask for him if we ever have trouble. Thanks guy…but I don’t remember your name. Crap. Did I blog about him? I hope…I’ll have to go back through my archives and see if I listed his name.
Of course, the very helpful receptionist at the billing dept always starts with one question. “What insurance company do you use?” Um…yeah. I tell her the name of my company, but that the rep for them can’t help me, as my insurance doesn’t cover anything, and that’s not what this is about anyway. Then she gets flustered and has no idea who to transfer me to. You’d think she’d be used to dealing with women with no IF insurance. I’m certainly not the ONLY one at that clinic paying out of pocket! Am I? No…I know I’m not.
So…I left the clinic and drove to work. As usual on appointment days, I got here an hour early. We have to schedule early morning appointments so I don’t miss any more work that is absolutely necessary. I spoke with my boss about why I’d been missing so much (which I REALLY didn’t want to do) because he had made a comment about it at one point. So now, apparently for my IUI days, he wants me to take them as personal days. Too bad I’m out now. So, instead of resting and letting the little swimmers do there thing, I will have to come in to work. Damn.
Anyway…got off track there for a second. So, I got to work an hour early. Upset and crying. I decided that I couldn’t just sit in my office and read for the hour. I went for a walk. A very LONG walk. About 2 miles actually. I needed to just clear my head. It was great – except I was wearing bad shoes for urban hiking and now I’ve given myself blisters and rubbed the skin off one spot on the top of my foot. But I’m glad I took the walk. I needed it.
So…that’s my day. I’ll update when I hear from the nurse as to the next step of this whole damn process.
